In a relationship with a married but seperated man
Where to start!
I’ve been with my partner now for around 14months. We originally met end of June last year, and he told me he was divorced for 4 years. At the time We met, I replied to this and made it very clear I would not consider dating anyone who was not divorced because of unfinished business issues...
We had a great courting period, and I began to develop feelings I’ve never had for anyone before. Although, I began to pick up in my gut something wasn’t right around October time, but couldn’t put my finger on it, just knew it was something to do with his ex as she would constantly message. He has a son with her so assumed it was to do with that. Regardless I began to scrutinise myself, place myself into crash diets, even put myself back into the career I had left as I hated it as a glamour model (albeit a very successful one) just to prove I was good enough I guess (his wife has done some promotion girl work) I’ve had 2 plastic surgeries since meeting him, I literally nearly killed myself driving backwards and forwards to London for work, ending up in a near fatal accident - and then contracting MRSA from the plastic surgery sending me into toxic shock. All because I wanted to be better for him, because that nagging voice inside myself was telling me somethings not right with regards to his ex.
Anyway fast forward to New Year’s Day 2019...the day before I was due to move my whole life, my 2 lovely children and farm animals (all 60 of them) 200 miles south to start a new life living with this man. I had just transferred my share of the house deposit to the estate agents and he left his phone on the couch. Me being me, and led by my gut feeling something wasn’t right...went through his phone.
And to my shock discovered he was in fact married, hoards of whatsapp messages from his wife calling me every name under the sun.
He explained they had been separated 4 years but he was still paying for everything, that his wife was abusive and he wanted to protect me from the mess.
I screamed at him so hard that night but he refused to leave and I had literally no where to go. I’d rented out all of the land I owned up north for my animals on a years tenancy and had no where to go other than 200miles south the next day.
So I moved my whole life, my children, animals the lot. Since then I have been unable to forget and let go. He is batting out a case to see his son now in the courts for the last year (since his wife found out about me in the September) because his wife is claiming he’s a violent drug taking alcoholic, he’s nothing of the sort.
All of this plus having to pay private bailiffs to serve divorce papers etc. I’ve had to have a restraining order placed on his wife due to some pretty severe narcissistic and psychotic messages received from her to my social media work accounts. Nothing seems to be getting anywhere, I’m constantly having to push him and I feel like I’m wasting my life and time with him. I’m 3 months pregnant now with his child (yeh...good decision there, I know) and at a total loss of what I should do.
My modelling career has reached an all time high and I’ve been placed for some pretty big nominations - and I can’t attend the awards ceremonies Incase his wife is one of the drinks girls at the events. non of this is what I wanted. I’ve completely lost myself.
I feel like I’ve been tricked into this situation, lied to about one of my non negotiable requirements for a relationship, and I’m now dealing with the hell of it all. A marriage I was never a part of and I’m suffering for it. I think of myself as a nice person, I’ve never had any enemies or felt the need to compete or prove I’m the better person, except now I do.
My partner is a good man, and I can’t fault him for anything other than this. He breaks his back to help me, is a great father figure and everyone thinks he’s a fantastic man. He is. I can’t deny that, but I also can’t forget about this and more frustratingly if I talk to him he either cries or falls silent. I get nothing.
My heart and head want to run as far and as fast as I can , but my children adore him, as do my family, and it’s not so easy to find temporary accommodation for all of my animals - all of which I have worked far too hard to just sell up and forget about. I’m trapped.
I have no one to turn to, the counsellors I’ve seen don’t understand where I’m coming from, if I talk to him, shout at him, stop talking to him I just get the same silent reaction. I may as well talk to the wall.
I’ve never felt so alone and totally isolated, depressed, tearful or lost. Any advice much appreciated because I’m clearly struggling.
Thankyou for the reply
Reading these questions has made me look at this from another angle.
I know what I need to do