How to stop feeling bitter and move on
HARRIS39 - Sep 2 2019 at 12:58
I was with my ex for over 14 years in that time we had 3 children the oldest is 13 the youngest 8. My relationship with my ex was abusive he had many affairs but I stupidly always took him back. His last affair though broke our relationship when she got sick of being the other women and got herself pregnant. He could no longer hide his affair with a baby on the way so I ended our relationship as soon as I found out about it all. This was last year. His "gf" isn't happy with destroying my relationship or family it seems she is hell bent on hurting me as much as possible. Earlier this year she went to the police and got me charged with harassment (we'd had an altercation, not physical I just told her what I thought of her) I am not working and on benefits and after I was arrested and charged I sought legal aid but was advised I was not entitled so I could not afford to plead not guilty and defend myself in court so I had to plead guilty. I am now under a good behavior bond and she has an restraining order against me and is going around telling everyone I am the crazy ex who can't leave them alone! They forget the way in which they got together or the pain and suffering their affair has caused me and my family he is now living with her and is threatening to go to court over custody of our kids. He has his own business and is a lot richer than me so he can afford the best lawyers and they both have shown they don't care about lying and his family will happily lie on his behalf too.
I know that I am fighting a losing battle, I know that it is only a matter of time before he will take our children to her house. The thought of this women being with my children, the thought of them all being a family together makes me so angry and sick to my stomach. But I know I cannot stop it which makes it all the harder. My oldest daughter knows of what has happened and she doesn't want to go anywhere near his gf but my ex says this is due to me brainwashing her, the only reason she knows is she was there when I was arrested and I had to explain to her why! I know I am never getting back with my ex (though I am ashamed to admit I do still love him) and I know for my own sake and my kids I need to stop feeling so angry and bitter but I can't. Even while writing this I can feel the anger inside me.
I don't have any family or friends nearby ( we moved a couple of years ago and due to my being ill I have not made any new friendships and have no friends or family near me) I talk to my friends and family online but I play down my feelings as I know they worry about me but I also know there is nothing they can do being so far away so I don't want to worry them by telling them how I really feel and how much I am struggling. I am in the process of trying to find work but I am recovering from a serious illness and now I have a police record to it is hard. I attempted dating but I know I am not ready to be with someone else.
I am mainly worried about how to cope with my kids being around her. I have tried talking to my ex I have said I am ok with the kids having a relationship with his new child I just don't want them near her. At first he was actually sympathetic and agreed but since the police arrest he seems to believe her lies over me!! he has changed his attitude and he is now threatening court proceedings. I do not expect to ever be friends with her I don't even want to see her but how do I make peace with her being "step-mum" to my children? it is breaking my heart and mind!!!
It is important for you to know your rights and stop the "I've given up already attitude". Your husband and this woman "broke up a your family". First you need to get a GOOD FAMILY Attorney. You want the house, custody of your children; child support; spousal support; your medical bills paid to get your through your illness, plus temporary financial support... until a final divorce settlement has been reached.
"Journal" from your perspective what you went through, your feelings, the hurt, your anger; and how this has effected you, your children and your health. It will be hard to go through this alone, there are support groups that may be of help to you.
You need to get an Attorney as good or better as your husband; ask your attorney if a motion to the court for attorney fees, and temporary financial support for you and your children due to your current financial situation and your current health issues.
Your husband has an obligation to take care of his FIRST FAMILY.
So start thinking with your head and not your heart. This is war; so get prepared. You have "standing" 14 of marriage may entitled you to more than you think.
Regarding your arrest report; look at it as another effect of your husband infidelities, not the end of the world.
In your state can a woman who intentionally and knowingly took part in destroying a family and marriage be sued??
Good Luck to you and keep in touch.