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Reconnecting with first love after 20 years apart

Posted by
EMFFB1
on Sep 11 2019 at 14:53
Member since: 11 September 2019
Relationship advice So anyway i'll keep it as brief as possible. 20+ years ago when i was 17 i met a guy and fell head over heels in love. We had an on off relationship for about 5 years. I would have walked on hot coals for him and that feeling has never changed. I live in Ireland and after about 5 years he decided to move to England for work. We kept contact for maybe 2 years with an odd phone call but that ended eventually when wwe both met other people and moved on. A couple of years later i bumped into him and his new girlfriend when they were back in Ireland for a weeks holidays. We all went for dinner and had a night out together including my then fiancee that i was due to marry 3 months later. This guy asked me not to get married as he didn't feel my fiancee and i were suited.

Anyway roll on quickly... i got married, had 2 children and marriage eventually broke down. It was doomed from the start. This guy was right. He married got married also to the girlfriend and she died soon after from cancer. He met someone else and had 2 children. I met someone else and was with him for 8 years up to 2 years ago. Have been single since then. He is still with this other woman now 16 years on. Sorry just to note, we had no contact between the last meeting 20 years ago and January of this year.

In January we connected on facebook. We have since caught up on each others lives and hopes, dreams and disappointments. He is very unhappy in his relationship and is only staying for the sake of the children( i know it's a cliche excuse but i believe him). He has had no intimacy with his partner in 5 years and this was her choice. He loves her for the fact she gave him children but is not in love with her. We have developed a very strong bond and have voiced our regrets in life. He really regrets ever leaving me but at the time i was very young and he was 9 years my senior. He wishes he could turn back time. He said even though he feels it would be wrong to cheat on his partner even if they have no relationship, he feels while he is still living in the family unit that it would be cheating if anything was to happen between us. He has also said that it is lucky we live so far apart or he would have already gone down that road. I would be totally against cheating as i would not like to be cheated on, but i was thinking about it this morning and i still feel so deeply for him that i feel we were always meant to be and that he is mine, not this other womans. She had her chance with him and has treated him very badly.

I just don't know what to do. I don't want him to resent me if he makes a decision that goes against his morals. I also feel he has already cheated in his head because of the conversations we have had. He also has admitted to feelings he had for me back when we first met that he would never have admitted to having back then but realised later that he had. It was then too late for him to come back as we had both moved on. I just don't know what to do. Should i cease contact?

Reconnecting with first love after 20 years apart
Reply from
SUSIEDQQ
on Sep 13 2019 at 13:05
Member since: 27 December 2013
Like two ships passing in the night ...

Look - this is your past calling and he has you in a whirl because he taps into old feelings. He’s brave and provocative from afar.

But the reality is that he is married and is not free to talk to you like he does.

Let him go and enter into counseling to get a plan for the future, including an available, single man who lives near you.

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