Was a breakup the right decision even if there’s abuse?
I broke up with my boyfriend of several years just the other day and until the end he was blaming my adult child because my child doesn’t like him and he said she has been the cause of the downfall of our relationship. I pointed out to him that that that is not necessarily true because it’s really his constant lying that has been the downfall of our relationship even though the fact that she doesn’t like him doesn’t help.
If I really believed that my kid would a accept him and I would be satisfied with the relationship that may be possible. He just doesn’t get that I can’t tolerate his lying and failure to ever take responsibility and apologize when he’s wrong as well as being very selfish and uncaring in certain situations including his verbal attacks on me. I find it unbelievable that he knows he verbally attacked me and never apologized and even more unbelievable that he never admits he lied but throws my kid under the bus.
Of course I feel very sad and I’m fairly certain I did the right thing but there’s always a little doubt. I know we all have a fault so how do I know I made the right decision? Could he be right that I was looking for excuses to break it off with him so I don’t have to deal with my kid?
The day after we had I broke up with I noticed a large bruise on my arm where he grabbed me during our fight the other day and this is not been the first time.
You say he’s a liar, doesn’t accept responsibility for his actions, verbally abuses you, and has grabbed and bruised you. Keep remembering these things. (I bet you can add to the list, too)
Try to figure out why you doubt yourself. Are you afraid of being aline? Your adult child giving you problems? Feeling like you have no support? Cut off from friends and healthy connections?
Consider counseling. You need to get strengthened so you don’t get sucked back into this dysfunctional relationship, just because that’s all you have known. Good luck!
You describe him as a Disrespectful, abusive; A liar who can't apologize when he's wrong; uncaring and a selfish person. Is this what you're willing to settle for? I think you deserve more than the bottom of the barrel. LIARS can't be trusted. It will be important for your daughter to see what women should NEVER accept nor tolerate in a relationship.
I totally think you did the right thing. You left for VALID reasons- don't second guess yourself- give it time; you're now free to wait for your blessing; a man who can treat you like you should be treated.
Move on; you deserve much better.
You did the right thing. Your kid doesn't like him and she has very good reason to. He doesn't sound like the kind of guy you'd want to spend your life wife, and regardless of what anyone thinks, you already know this and can see this. He doesn't care about his actions and he may have eventually gotten violent in time. You dodged a bullet in my opinion.
*sigh* I suppose Muggins here is going to have to be the one to 'name the puppy' again...
It's quicker to say: HOPEFULLY, he ticks too many NPD diagnostic criteria. Please google 'Boyfriend is a narcissist' (could be merely temporary/reactive (Narcissised) or permanent (Narcissist) - makes no odds though because the latter's incurable while the former takes a looooooooooooooong time - too long - to revert to their less disgusting selves before you start to become physically ill (stress/inflammatory disease) or defeated then insane (no bull).) See if you can eliminate it from the enquiry and report back if you please.
Mind you, the way you put this: "He just doesn’t get that I can’t tolerate his lying and failure to ever take responsibility and apologize when he’s wrong as well as being very selfish and uncaring in certain situations including his verbal attacks on me." - it sounds to me like you already have.
So would *you* like to name the bad puppy?