My wife says she doesn’t know if she loves me anymore
LOSTBOY - Sep 16 2019 at 19:39
Me and my wife are both 33 and have been married a little over 2 years, we’re engaged for 3 years before that and together 3 years before that. We were also friends from the age of 17 having met working part time.
I’ve had a tough few years work wise. I’m a teacher and suffered with anxiety and ended up working as a supply teacher instead but the stress, worry and anxiety at work became so bad about a year ago I pretty much gave up and got counselling and support to find a new job.
I also suffer from severe ocd and find so many things that I need to constantly check or sort that normal daily things sometimes take a back seat. Me and my wife have argued a few times when the stress of my job has been too much and I’ve shouted or said a few not so nice things. Ocd also plays a massive part in arguments too as if I’ve cleaned And her of one of the kids then make a mess, for example, I get very distressed and again have more recently found myself arguing over things.
We’ve always made up though even after a few real long bad arguments. The job hunting has not gone well and I’ve found myself in a bit of a rut. I don’t wish to continue supply but I feel conflicted about leaving teaching altogether after years of training and expense. I just can’t face it anymore though.
Anyway, here is my main problem. Last week we had a small argument over putting the heating on or something along those lines. We’d been fine recently so didn’t think too much of it until later she came to me and told me to go.
She said I needed to sort work out and just do anything and that if changed. She said she needed a few days apart. I wasn’t very happy and reacted badly but did go.
Thinking it may only be a night I slept in my car but after night 3 I’ve been staying with a friend. I tried to text her, not often as she said she needed space, but just reminders of how much I love her. I did go round whilst she was out and lay flowers, chocolates and a small I love you note on our bed though.
She hasn’t been responding to texts so today I went to see her and the kids to show her I want to fix things. I explained that I’d done a lot of thinking. That I have seen that I shouldn’t react the way I have done. That ocd should not cause behaviour where I’m shouting or moaning at her and the kids and I’ve told her I have seen that it made her and them unhappy so I will not allow it continue. Their happiness is the most important thing.
I thought by showing some fight and saying I was going to change she’d let me back home and we could hopefully try and repair the damage done. Instead she told me she didn’t know if she wanted me back. That she had managed without me and so knew that she didn’t need me. That what I was saying sounded right but was only words. She said she was sorry but that she needed a few more days apart so I’m back at a mates still unsure how long she needs and what to do. I left today with the kids in tears and her admitting to them that she doesn’t know what she wants, that she was keeping me away and she didn’t know if she was going to take me back yet.
So please any advise. Do I fight still, do I show her our marriage can be saved. Or does this really mean she’s made her mind up and she’s done. I’m devastated.
It all became too much for her and she has realized she cannot live like that. You need to stop pestering her all the time and give her the space she asked for. You haven't been doing that because you constantly text her and go to the house. Leave it alone for a while.