Feelings for another man at work
For a longtime I have had feelings for a man at work, he is such a nice guy he is really polite and funny, he really makes me laugh and over the months I have developed strong feelings for him, eventually I plucked up the courage to tell him how much I liked him, trouble is I'm Married, I can't lie and say to whoever is reading this that my marriage is unhappy or boring because it isn't so why I have fallen for this man I don't know, anyway when I told him I liked him he did seemed a bit shocked he said he was flattered but he wouldn't get involved with me due to me being married ( he is single) I felt mortified and ashamed by my behaviour he was kind about it and said just forget about it and we can just carry on as friends he also swore he wouldn't tell anyone in work about it also which I honestly believe to be true, trouble is I can't stop thinking about him and seeing him almost everyday is torture, I have tried to not speak and avoid him but i always end up going out of my way to speak to him, it's making me ill the thoughts in my mind all the time, I just don't know what to do? I want to tell him how much I still do like him as I told him the first time a few months ago, but will it make things worse, I feel like a silly teenager with a crush and I don't like the fact that I have told another man I like him but i do and I can't help it ☹️
This “nice, polite, and funny “ is also a gentleman and respectful of marriage vows and what they mean.
Stop pursuing him (in your mind and otherwise) and torturing yourself in the meantime. You don’t want to make a fool of yourself.
You are going to experience “ crushes” on other guys again. No shame in that. But don’t let it take over your mind and energy.
Thank you for your reply, I seriously need to sort myself out ,the thing is the guy at work wants us to talk and get along like we have always done but this is where I find it difficult I feel so awkward I worry about when I talk does he think I'm trying it on with him , I have thought about distancing myself away from him and maybe not chatting as much , but I don't think he deserves that because he hasn't done anything wrong it's me with the crush what should I try and do ????
You really should've just kept it to yourself. Why did you even tell him? What were you hoping to achieve? Were you hoping for an affair? It's not going to happen and he has made that clear enough. Is a transfer to a different department possible? You need to move to stop from seeing him.
If I am being honest yes I was hoping for a affair, which clearly he wasn't and shows his morals are lot higher than mine, I just think I liked the fact that a male at work spoke to me and I misread it as something else , think I have learnt my lesson I was stupid to think that telling him I liked him would ever lead to anything, unfortunately I cannot move departments I did look into it but it's just not possible at the moment
Then unfortunately you are on your own. You created this mess. You have to clean it up.
I'll do my best to try and sort this mess out ,not sure how but I need to put things right
This was one of those moments you had no control over your emotions. Not the end of the world many of us have been here. You put things right by being professional at work and turning your attention to your husband. Maybe you need to reflect on why you were ready to cheat in your marriage. Whatever the issues are now is the time to address them.
@skinnygirl2, yes I have very much felt like I have had no control of my behaviour and emotions in this situation, I've behaved so out of character I'm quite a shy person I'm very much the person at work who goes unnoticed and is just in the background, so I think when this man started chatting with me and making me laugh I was surprised that someone had bothered with me but looking at it I just took someone being friendly the wrong way and made a fool out of myself in the process , I do want to put things right I don't like this situation I've created, I need to stop fantasizing about something that will never happen and go back to the reality of my everyday life, thank you for your reply
You need to talk to your husband because feeling like you have no control over your behavior is worrying. If you truly love your husband you would not go looking for an affair and especially not with a co-worker.