What would you do?
For myself I always hoped that things would be different with my husband, that he would grow up and realize that your spouse comes first no matter who the other person is. Well 11 years later and I decided to talk with my therapist about it. My husband told her that he didn’t think his brother was capable of such a thing and that he had no reason to think his brother would ever do anything like that. So the therapist told me that anybody would have done the same thing and she personally would have not believed anyone in the world who was accusing her brother of the same thing. I would hope that if it was her spouse or child she would believe them. The therapist told me that I need to just forget about everything and it’s ok because he believes me now. The problem is it wasn’t just like that it took him years and years to say he believes me and he is a smooth talker and will just say what I want him to and he thinks that fixes things. He wasn’t honest with their therapist or himself, a lot of the things he was saying he has never said to me previously, he just “knows what to say.” Actually I was so pissed off at him the week before and he went on a trip for his job, I didn’t talk to him the whole time he was gone. My husband had told me that the reason his brother did that to me was my fault, which just opened a whole new can of worms and pain. While my husband was gone he called and talked to his cousin which is fine he just got her number a week ago at his grandmas funeral. So when he gets home he tells me all this stuff my cousin told me this stuff that’s happening in the family “sexual abuse” and it’s rampant. He said I am mad nobody told me, which I have explained a lot of stuff that I have seen and what one aunt has warned me about. I told him who do you. Think should have told you anybody but myself for you to believe or take things seriously??? I told him if it was anyone’s responsibility it was your moms but she chooses to think all of it is just fine, normal. I told him several times that his uncle was willing to talk to him, but he wanted Robert to come to him so that he knew he was willing to listen and he didn’t want to ruin their relationship. He has had that opportunity to get information but he has chosen not too.
Also he has had the opportunity to talk to his brother in person about it. His bother called him and said he was coming to visit about 4 years after this happened (since we moved) when he told me I said perfect because we will be able to sit down with him and have the conversation about what he did, so that he knows he can’t get away with it and that my husband knows. I get a call back about a half hour later from my husband and he said I told him not to worry about coming. Really????
my therapist believes that this is something that I should just get over, what are your thoughts...........
Before I can “get over it” or recover from it what do you think needs to take place? What would bring healing?
It sounds like there could have been abuse in the family and rumors are flying and several people have their own stories. You are caught in the middle of it all and without the facts. And now you are hyper vigilant about this one guy. It may or may not be fair to him, but your husband’s first allegiance should be to you and your child.
Your husband needs to man up and find out the truth to determine if this man is a threat to his own family...OR if the rape story is unfounded rumors, teens fooling around years ago, or this man’s actions are currently dangerous to all.