I don’t know what to do!?
QUINN101 - Sep 24 2019 at 02:50
Hi, my biological father was never in my life growing up and seemed to have no desire to be. Last summer he contacted me asking to meet up I agreed and everything went well and he hasn’t contacted me since. I however have always wanted to meet his family but he was very hesitant about it when I brought it up in conversation when we met up which I understand it was the first we had seen each other since I was 7 (over a decade ago). I initially thought we would slowly work up to meeting his family but due to him not contacting me again it became hopeless.
That was the background now this summer I got in contact with his uncle through a social media platform and his uncle thought it would be a good idea to meet and he wanted to meet with my biological dads grandma as well. The other day we met and they were almost criticizing my mom in a way. The grandmother thought I was there to get money from them which I was not in anyway doing that at all. They were saying my mom took me from the family and was always taking my biological dad to court which was not true there are court papers proving that is not true they said other things as well. My biological dad has 2 other children and they basically said he is to focused on them to contact me and that’s probably why he hasn’t contacted me. It was a kinda hurtful meeting for me because they were blaming and verbally criticize and “attack” my mom and moms family in that way. They were nice and kind for the most part just that just was not necessary. My bio dads uncle said he would talk to him about contacting me.
I am just needing opinions on whether I should wait for my bio dad to contact me or should I remove all of them from my life and just move on and not worry about it anymore. I’m just looking for advice. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I'm sorry to hear that you had to go through all of that. You have to remember that for over a decade they have been hearing a different story than you. Also, they probably formed their own stories after so many years of retelling it. It's really up to you to ask the question if your willing to be hurt getting to know these people who are supposed to be your family. It's important to think they are getting to know you too. As for your father, there's a chance that maybe he isn't ready to connect with you. It is possible to connect with your family without having to connect with him.
I hear the same things about how my mom did this and that from my dad's side of the family. The best thing you can do is make a civil and calm argument. It's really up to them if they truly wish to listen. Maybe you should go over maybe once or twice more to get a grip on how you feel.
I wish you the best of luck, and I hope you make a decision that makes you happy.
I think you should contact your BIODAD directly; asking him if he wants to cultivate an relationship with you. I would keep everyone else out of the picture for now. For now ignore the criticism of your mom. Get more details from your Mom regarding their relationship; how they met; how long did they date; what caused their breakup' was he there for your birth;
etc; etc- Your mom can fill in a lot of details.
For him to contact you and then go dark I feel is mean. Call him and ask him directly if he wants a relationship.