Stepson's wedding, my husband pushes me away
My stepson’s (28) wedding is this weekend. My husband has been unbearable with insulting words, rages, and distancing of my son. My husband and I have been married for 13 years. He and his ex wife don’t talk. But during their children events always put on the happy family face. My stepsons big day is almost here. The closer we get the more distance my husband becomes from me. He uses my son (20), his stepson’s, phychotic break he had over the summer as to the reason he doesn’t want him staying at the house this weekend. The wedding is near our house yet my son and I are staying at a hotel to avoid any unnecessary drama.
My husband has been so nasty towards me that right now I’m just trying to make it to the wedding and then decide my next move. None of my family was invited to the wedding nor was invited to the bridal shower. My son was in the wedding but now he’s just a guest. I feel like my husband has failed me as a husband and failed his role as a stepfather as I believe he should have guided his son to be inclusive of me and my son. I’m not sure how my son feels but I feel like I’m the other woman. I feel sadden because my husband and I met 11 years after they were divorced.
I’m not happy and the only reason I’m going to the wedding is because my son wants to go. I didn’t put all the details as I could right a book, but the bottom line is, I’m not feeling loved by my husband. And even though he and his ex wife don’t talk there’s still undone business there that my husband is not willing to address and I believe why our relationship has not gotten further along than it should for how long we’ve been married.
This must be a very stressful time for your husband. His son is getting married and there is tension with the boy’s mother. And now there is tension in his own blended family.
How is it that your son went from being “ in” the wedding to now attending? You say he had a psychotic breakdown recently. Is he comfortable going to this event? Are others comfortable? Do you suppose your husband’s objection is really a wish of others? ( bride or groom?) and he’s just carrying the message?
I hope you get thru this event and are able to honor the bride and groom in a comfortable setting.
Since you “ could write a book” about your marriage, professional counseling might be a good idea
Firstly, there is no reason for any of your family to be invited to the wedding. You're pretty much the new wife still. Its the brides and grooms friends and family that get invited, not the stepmothers family and you seem to feel rather bitter about that. I understand that you want to be equal and that you and your son feel pushed out, but you haven't been. You're both still invited. Now it sounds like your husband is highly stressed and that is to do with your sons mental break. He's terrified of his behavior at the wedding and his demotion to guest is just a way of lowering the stress on him.
Can you give some examples of your husbands nastiness?