Something you should know about me before i tell you my problem is that I'm a 21 years old girl, very shy and reserved (believe me not by choice), I've never had a boyfriend, or anyone that likes me for a romantic relationship, therefore, friendships are very very important for me, and maybe because i give so much importance to friendships, any kind of slight change in how a friend treats me makes me feel AWFUL. I'm also an immigrant, I live in mexico now, i moved here almost 2 years ago.
In my home country, from kindergarten to senior year i attended the same school,therefore the friendships that i made there are the only friends I've ever known. with time, friends have come and go, yet i have 2 friends who have always have been by my side, and the issue that i have is with my friend "A".
A and I, became really close friends in high school, we don't really have much in common, but we always make each other laugh, and we truly became best friends. When we were in our junior year, i began to feel left out by her, she had made new friends, and i started to feel like i was being pushed aside for these new people in her life, she tried to make me hang out with them but i never really liked them and the feeling was mutual (probably due to the fact that as i said before i'm very reserved, and also socially awkward). We were still very much best friends yet i felt awful when she left me out.
Anyways,she left to live in Spain at the end of junior year, i was very sad but we talked a lot, and it turns out that it was very difficult for her to make friends over there, because of the cultural differences and all of that, therefore, we always talked to each other, and we still considered each other our best friend. This year she planned to do her internships for college in Mexico. I was really excited since i had not seen her in over 3 years, and although she wasn't doing the internships in the city i live in, i could visit her and she could visit me, and we could see each other often.
She spent the first 2 weeks of arriving with me, and again in general, we had a great time, after that she was going to do 3 months of internship in another city, she was nervous because she was going to be alone in this new city, and the first weeks, we talked a lot. After a month i finally saved the money to visit her for a few days, but after that visit, she started to make new friends, i know there's nothing wrong with that, but after this started to happen i really tried to talk to her, ask her about her day, about how she was feeling,etc, etc. and she wouldn't answer for weeks or when she did, the answers were very very vague, almost as she was answering to be educated, and not because she wanted to talk to me, but when i realized that maybe i was annoying her, i stopped talking to her to which she asked me why i wouldn't talk to her anymore.
Since her text answers were so vague, i realized that when we talked by call she was not vague at all, and she really was interested in talking to me, in other words she was normal.when i asked why she didn't wanted to talk by text, she said that she got annoyed with texting.
Anyways time kept passing by, when i visited her she told me that we absolutely had to see each other again before she left to spain again. and i told her that for financial reasons i could not visit her, that she had to visit me, she said that she would. yet a few eeks after that, i asked her if she would visit me again, and she always changed the topic, therefore i never brought it up again.
After weeks of really vague answers from her, and she always refusing for us to talk by phone call, she texts me out of the blue, to tell me that she had broken up with her boyfriend that was in spain, and that she had kissed with a guy from her internship (a guy she never told me about) i was supportive of her although i did not really understand it(since her spanish boyfriend loved her and she loved him). After that, texts from her were literally non existent. i asked her questions and she answered them and that was it. She leaves tomorrow for spain ,and she never visited me, never talked to me again, and when i asked her if we could at least talk before she left for spain, she said that she didnt know because she was busy with her friends and she was spending the last night with her new guy.
I feel really hurt, because she never came to visit me again, when she had the resources to do it, and its unsure when we will see each other again (because she lives in another continent), i feel like she only talks to me when she cant make friends, and we she can make them she ditches me. i cant believe that in three months that she was literally in the same state as me, she wouldnt even make the effort to visit me, or even to be interested in asking me about my day and pretty much of everything i asked her about.
I don't know if i should to talk her about this, or just leave it as it is, because the most likely thing that would happen if i talked to her is that she thinks that i'm overreacting,or that i'm jealous of the fact that she makes friends and dates guys very often and I don't do any of that. I don't even know if im in the right or im wrong, but i have no one else to talk with about this.
Am I righ to feel hurt? What should i do? should i just let this friendship go? or should i fight to keep it? I just feel like i have
been fight it to keep it for so long and she doesn't make any efforts to be friends with me
I realize that maybe because i haven't have a romantic relationship i hold on to friendships more than a regular person, and my fear is that maybe im not being normal and that maybe im overbearing, i don't even know anymore. Please help.
Sorry your friend from the past disappointed you by not spending more time with you. She sounds like she was very busy and distracted by a new love. It sounds like you felt “ used” while she just wanted to check in on an old friend - on her terms.
Time changes people . .
But what about you?
This is a good time for you to re- evaluate your own life and take steps to find new friends and look forward to the future. You have a new setting and a chance to make things new.