Freaking out so bad and utterly terrified
Ok, so my husband told me 2 weeks ago that he is going to a conference in Amsterdam next month. He knows how i feel about that place. He assured me that the conference center is outside of Amsterdam and right by the airport (this is in fact true) and that it would only be for one night. He also promised he would not venture into the city center. I made my peace with this and supported him. Last night he told me he had more information and that he is in fact going for 3 nights and not 1. Leaving very early morning on a Sunday morning (not sure why they are going so early) 2 days conference and flying back Wednesday morning. Then he told me the hotel would be in the city center. Obviously i totally flipped out and lost it. I suffer with depression and severe anxiety and told him i cant handle it. I didn't sleep at all last night and have been sick today. My heart wont stop racing and i struggle to breathe. I begged him not to go. I asked him to put me and my wellbeing first but i don't think it matters what i say. He assured me that he would never do anything to hurt me and that i had nothing to worry about, but he'll be out at night so close to all the working girls and stuff that it freaks me out. I know he wont do anything bad but even the thought of him being tempted and in the vicinity terrifies me. I can't cope with it and cant stop crying. I also put the idea across of me and our daughter coming along with him (like we have done in the past) but he said no. I am absolutely terrified and its making me ill. I would rather die than feel like this.
No, he has never done anything (as far as I'm aware) this is my issue and it feels like torture. The thought of him there terrifies me. I cant cope.
I wish i could talk to a Counselor but i cant afford anything like that. He's understanding of my issues because they stem from a myriad of bad things that all happened 3 years ago in a very short space of time. I had some pretty hard knocks and i thought i could handle it. I've been struggling allot this past year. He knows this and he's been supportive.