My boyfriend of nearly 2 years informed me the other day that he wanted us to break up because he didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. This came as a shock to me as well as his family and our friends as it was completely out of the blue. There was no warning signs or anything.
Now, here's where the issue lies. I have no family and nowhere to go until I can find a new place of my own. The now 'ex' has said I can stay with him as long as I need to. I laid it all out to him. I pulled him up on his commitment issues and that instead of running from them, he should start facing them. This is because he has a history of ending relationships right when things start getting serious. I also told him that, even though he didn't want a relationship, I didn't mean I was going to give up on us continuing one in the future. But this led to more issues that seem to have been a bit of a miscommunication.
So today we had an argument over this because his grandmother informed him that I'd told her we were on a break. Just to clarify, I didn't. I'd told her I was hoping it was just a break but for all intents and purposes we are broken up. We started fighting over this because this gave him the impression that I thought it was only going to last a few days. I knew it wasn't and I explained that to him. I told him I expected it to be months because I know him better than most of his family even know him. I told him that all I wanted from him was to keep an open mind about us continuing our relationship when he was ready to start dating again. That was all. I told him I would wait as long as I had to because at the end of it all, I love him, more than I've ever loved anyone, and I can't bear to lose him.
It's probably obvious by this point that I didn't want the break up and I'm trying really hard to respect his boundaries. But the past couple of days it's been like our dynamic hasn't changed. We still click the way we always have and can still bounce off each other the way we always have. The only thing that have changed is that I don't kiss him anymore.
Am I wasting my time, holding out hope for something that may never happen? I just want him back when he's ready but I feel like he thinks I'm trying to push him into it really quickly and I'm not. I just want us to clear the air so to speak.
What should I do?
Is this the first time you’ve had to deal with this push/pull mentality of his?
Is this a characteristic of how he deals with other parts of his life? ( work/school, health; legal; family)?
You sound like you have the patience to wait him out until he comes to his senses( if he really has senses to come back to) He sounds totally oblivious to your feelings and the hurt you are going through. This is why I ask if this behavior is seen in his general personality, dealings with others, and daily life.
It is out of character for him. I knew when we first started dating that he had baggage and that he had issues with stuff, but I also know he's been working really hard to get over those issues. He does behave like this with anyone else or towards anyone else.
I have patience with him because I have faith that when he's ready we may be able to try again.
When it's all said and done, your BF has to have the need to be with you, just as you have the need for him. After nearly 2 years with you, if he doesn't want or need the responsibility of a serious relationship, then it's telling you he's not ready and repsectfully, while you and your heart are prepared to wait months for him, it may never happen.
If he has a history of ending relationships when they get serious, then he could have a real fear of commitment and the baggage that he carries needs to be sorted, by him, before he can actually commit to you 100%. If you have faith that you guys may be able to try again someday, then you now need to completely respect his boundaries and get on with your life however painful it will be for you.