I need perspective and advice on what happened this weekend
Hi guys, this is a long read, but I need to know if I was in the wrong. If I behaved badly. If I messed up.
This weekend was my boyfriend's best friends' wedding. My boyfriend was the best man. I was so excited for this wedding. His friends have welcomed me into their lives so lovingly. I appreciate what they have done for me and my boyfriend tremendously. I got my hair & makeup done for this wedding. I had the cutest outfit. I was so ready to celebrate the day with everyone. And the day started out so well. The ceremony at the church was so beautiful. It was such a moving ceremony, there was not a dry eye in the whole church. After the ceremony my boyfriend went with the bride & groom and the rest of the bridal party in the limo to take photos and drive to the reception. I drove my own car to the church & was driving it to the reception. As I was driving on the expressway, about 10 minutes to the banquet hall where the reception was, I crashed my car. It's completely totaled. I was in such a state of panic & shock. I've never been in a car accident before. The airbag imploded and I just. I just didn't know what to do. I immediately called my boyfriend. I told him I totaled my car. He asked if I was okay, if I was hurt and I said I'm fine. (I really am physically fine, THANK GOD). I told him I need him to please meet me where I was because I had no idea what to do. I don't know what the protocol is when you crash your car. He told me he couldn't get to me. He told me he needed to be there for his best friends because he is the best man. I understand the importance of this, but....I was just in an accident where my car is totaled!!!!! I gave up on asking him to come to me. Obviously, the cops were called, ambulance arrived. Insurance was exchanged with the other driver. Their car is fine, mine is totaled. Whatever. I called to get my car towed back home. I told my boyfriend I just want to go back home with the tow truck driver. When the tow truck arrived it had been about 1.5 hrs since the car crash. I had been stuck on the side of the expressway for 1.5 hours. My hair was wrecked. My makeup was a mess from crying. I just wanted to go home. My boyfriend begged me to come to the reception. I asked if he could please come get me then because I wanted to see him and I needed to be comforted after this. He told me he couldn't as the best man leave the wedding. I insisted on just going home with the tow truck driver then. I just couldn't arrive to the wedding looking like this. I was freaked out, cold, sobbing, and exhausted. I looked and felt like a mess. But he begged and insisted I go to the reception. He had one of the wedding guests come pick me up on the side of the expressway to take me to the reception. Once we get there, I go to the ball room and see my boyfriend and just started crying. I couldn't hold it in. After everything that had just happened, I was so freaked out I just wanted to be in his arms and cry. Well, it was time for speeches and my boyfriend had one to give...so I went to the bathroom just too get myself together. I just wanted 15 minutes alone to process everything that had just happened. I wanted to just cry for 5 minutes. I wanted to pull myself together, redo my hair and makeup quickly and go back in when I was ready and put together. Well, I get into the bathroom, lock myself in a stall, cry for 2 minutes and I hear someone call my name. I go "Yes?". It was the maid of honor. She asked for me to step out. I did and she hugged me (which was sweet)...but then she looked at me and told me "You need to pull yourself together. Boyfriend'sname has too many responsibilities today to deal with this. You need to calm down and get back out there." I was just like....in shock she said that to me. I just told her "Ok." and quickly brushed my hair, wiped my tears and makeup and went back into the ballroom. I sat at the table and kind of just...was in shock? I was sitting there trying not to have a panic attack. I just kept my head down and remained quiet. I don't even remember any of the speeches. After those, my boyfriend asked me if I was alright and I told him yes. At this point it was after dinner and it was dance time. I tried, I really did, to have a good time and forget what had just happened...but my head was hurting and I was exhausted. I honestly just wanted to go home. I didn't really eat or dance. I kind of just sat at the table quietly as everyone else enjoyed themselves. I didn't ask for any attention. I didn't bother my boyfriend or ask for him to sit next to me all night. I just sat there. I did go to the bar to get some water and I overheard the bridesmaids saying "She just needs to man up, get over it. Its Bride'sname's day." Again, I just went to sit at my table. At this point I texted my friend to please come pick me up and take me home. I told my boyfriend goodbye. I said bye to the bride and groom, thanked them for including me in such a beautiful day. They kind of just said "Yeah, thanks, bye" to me. I just waited outside crying until my friend could pick me up.
I just want to know....was I wrong for wanting to go home instead of going to the reception? Would that have looked bad if I had skipped the reception? I also want to know if I made a poor call going to the reception? I felt like I couldn't even fake being cheerful there. I felt like everyone was acting as if I...I don't know? Wanted to crash my car? I did it on purpose? I don't know. I just kept thinking to myself "oh I'm sorry my car accident is an inconvenience to everyone on this day!" like OBVIOUSLY I wanted to be happy and celebrating with everyone as well, but I was so freaked out I couldn't. I am so embarrassed for everything that had happened. Embarrassed that I got into a car accident on the day of my boyfriend's best friends' wedding. Embarrassed that I could barely hold myself together at the reception. Embarrassed that I put a damper on their wedding day. Their wedding day! A once in a life time day. A day that they planned for OVER A YEAR!!! What should I have done better? Why couldn't I pull myself together? I need perspectives. What do you guys think? If it was your wedding day would you rather I hadn't come at all? Would you have thought I acted badly at the reception?
I honestly never want to face these people again. I am just so freaking embarrassed. Embarrassed about everything that happened. What should I have done? What could I have done better? I don't know. I honestly don't know. Should I call or text the bride and groom and apologize for what happened and how I acted? What should I do? I'm so embarassed and at a loss. I feel like I ruined the relationship I had with my boyfriend's friends.
There's no need to beat yourself up because you had an accident and you should have sought medical advice because you were in shock. It was a big effort for you to go to the reception and yes, a wedding is a special day but in your situation, it wasn't a priority.
Your BF's actions say it all and it should tell you where you actually stand with him and the same goes for his friends regardless that they welcomed you into their circle. If they didn't show any concern about you and your wellbeing and your efforts to be at the reception, then it's telling you they didn't care if you were there or not.
You need to understand that in your circumstances on the day, you needed to look after yourself because you owed absolutely nothing to anyone connected to the wedding once you had an accident. There's no need to apologize to the bride and groom simply because there's nothing to apologize for. Likewise, there's nothing to be embarassed about because you did more than your best, given the circumstances.
What an awful series of events!
Yes, you should have sought medical consultation. By minimizing your own condition, perhaps your BF misunderstood the severity of the accident.
But you needn’t have felt such an allegiance to people who are not that close to you. Getting medical clearance and then going home would have been how to take care of yourself .
What was the reason you felt so obligated to this event?
About your boyfriend: he should have comforted you and taken you home from the reception, or at least gotten you a ride. For you to go thru what you describe at the reception was pitiful.
I feel like your boyfriend's actions could have been better than what they were. He is dating you, you are going to his friends' wedding with him and tried really hard to prepare for that. I get that he might not have been able to leave and might have had a lot of responsibilities to his friend. But you know what? You're his woman. He should have at least made some effort to console you and make sure you were alright after such a lousy beginning to things. Even if you were overreacting, he should have taken the moment to check in with you - some stupid speech could have waited a few minutes, I'm sure.
You should not have to feel like such an outcast in your man's life. I don't know how long you've been dating for, but I would seriously consider taking a step back from things and focusing on yourself for now. You should be his world, instead it seems like he cares more about some marriage that probably won't last the test of time like most other marriages. He should have done something, instead he left you to figure it all out. Screw that guy. He doesn't value what you have to give.