End the marriage
Been having problems with my husband over finding hook ups sites on his phone. they were in the history section and he denies he was on them, said that they are pop ups from other sites and when you go on them they don't lead to a page so its all crap. I did go on one and it did lead to a hook up site. he as looked at porn in the past so I think the pop ups could be because of that. he said he as not looked at it for 2 years but I know he is lying because he once said he had stopped but I found it again on his laptop. we recently stayed away and I have been saying he as another woman. I had had a drink and he said, what's that got to do with such and such. I wondered why he did not deny it so I argued with him and he threw a chair at me. I hit him in the mouth which caused it to bleed and he thumped me in my back. he thought I was bleeding because I had blood on my back but he realise it was from him. he went home and sent a text to apologise for what he had done. he said he knew it was over between us because next time he will something worst. he blames me for the way he was and said he was never like that and is not a violent person. he as never lashed out at me before, I have always been the one to lash out first then he will lash at me if I keep going at him. he as strangled me in the past and pushed me against the bedside cabinet, this was when I was lashing out at him. I said I should report him to the police for what he as done, he said, go on then. should I? what would they do. he threw the chair at me 4 days ago and I have a bruise on my back. he said, that's if it was him that caused it but it was. its like he is denying he hurt me and caused the bruise. we have been married 23 years, have 3 grown up kids. I have thought about divorcing him for years, should I now. we have been to marriage counselling for years on and off. does he think I am a push over for hurting me and not doing anything about it and is it all my fault for him lashing out at me.
Separate - before you kill each other.
What did your therapist say about this relationship?
Are you financially dependent on him?
You guys need to step back and use your maturity and common sense to look at what's happening with your marriage. Why would mature people throw chairs and punches at each other when all they have to do is sit down and think about it. Conflict solves absolutely nothing.
It's no use being under the same roof if you can't live together harminously, regardless of years of on/off counselling. When things escalate into violence against each other, as they have done in the past, then it's time to call time out.
Wow, it sounds like a lot is going on! I think it would be wise to think about divorcing. I am worried that either you or him could led to someone being very hurt and or potentially lead to a cause of death. I think that you both have had a very long relationship which I applaud you, my longest has been 1 year. I think that it may be wise to speak to a counselor about this and an attorney if you are ready to go through the proceedings.
If you would like anymore help or advice I am more than happy to assist. You can email me at [e-mail address removed]. I wish you the best and I am quick at responding to emails.
I hope you are well