I think I want to pursue my ex, but don't know how to go about it?
This will be a bit of a read!
My ex (T) and I were friends for around 5 years before we ended up dating. We are both 23 years old. At 18 we had hooked up drunkenly, and I do know he's always sort of held a torch for me. I never considered him anything until much later.
We basically got together after a series of drunken hookups, and realising we saw each other more than friends. He probably pushed the relationship more as I was terrified of losing the friendship. We talked almost everyday and share many mutual friends. One of our extremely close mutual friends never liked the relationship and this has been a cause of some drama at times. We always knew our friends would not be 100% happy in the beginning but decided that this was not a reason not to get together.
We dated for around 9 months, and I went on exchange for around 2-3 months. He was also not in the country at the time, as he was visiting family in London. Both being overseas took a huge toll on the relationship, and I began to feel quite neglected and unhappy. Unfortunately, we broke up while we were both overseas - half on phonecall half on text message. There was alot of miscommunication and bitterness due to this.
Once we both returned to Australia, neither of us reached out, and we considered ourselves single I guess. He asked me to meet up a month or so ago, and I agreed to do so. Once I actually saw him and talked everything through, I realised that our breakup was a huge miscommunication (he had been going through a rough time overseas a relative had passed away and I did not know this and thought he was just ignoring me. He should have told me but did not). I had been very hurt that he had not bothered to call when I fell very ill while on exchange.
That being said, I have realised that being overseas meant that we never could meet and talk about what I believe should have been a fight that lasted one or two days at best. Unfortunately time between what has happened has been VERY long (we broke up in Feb and it is now November). I have been casually seeing someone, and T knows about this as I disclosed this when we met.
When T and I met, it felt like we were together again. We ended up spending 5-6 hours together and getting kicked out of a coffee shop as it had reached their closing time. He asked me to join him and his friends for dinner. I declined but I honestly did feel like going. While the person I am seeing is not serious, I still felt extremely guilty about it and ended up telling him.
After all this, I have come to the conclusion that I definitely do not hate T, we were dumb and I take my share of the blame. It may have been needed to have time apart as I have always taken him for granted and possibly vice versa. We hardly talk, and I do not know how to bring this up. I am not scared of confessing my feelings but I am afraid of rejection and the fact that he will most like shre this with mutual friends (which I do not think is