Fighting with a friend - am I wrong?
JOE0062 - Nov 23 2019 at 14:32
I'm writing now feeling mixed emotions after a fight with a friend a few weeks ago. This friend is difficult to say the least. Very emotional, sometimes aggressive verbally and sometimes talks with an air of what I feel is entitlement and likes to shout their opinion.
We've had several fights in the past which have led to weeks of radio silence only to give it up. It feels like a cycle. This friend has been having a lot of therapy and suffers from borderline personality disorder. I also have had mental health problems and have recently felt strong enough to cut down my medication. The problem between us arose when I told my friend this and rather than being accepting or supportive mocked and criticised me telling me how it "f**ks me off when people f**ks around with their medication and then wonders why they feel shit".
I found this offensive but tried to calmly back up my opinion and then was told that if I had wanted her support I shouldn't have told her. Knowing the cycle of our arguments I decided to walk out of it and agreed that I shouldn't have bothered telling her and should have known she'd make it about herself by complaining about how my own choices about my own body make her feel. I blocked her.
A while later I unblocked her to see that she'd left angry messages about how me blocking her for a few hours so I didn't listen to her lectures was me attacking and exploiting her "abandonment issues". I explained exactly why I did it and why I was frustrated that she just had to put her own feelings into something that didn't affect her in the least and got more sweary ranting in return. I wasn't appreciating her starting a fight and then playing the victim when I react.
Getting more frustrated I told her that her boyfriend of a few months left her because of her argumentative attitude which is Probably bang on the money knowing how she loves to start fights. That one-liner was latched onto and has been used for weeks now as an example of me attacking yet another sensitive issue. Apparently the same can't be said for the way she tried to demonize me for not reacting exactly how she wanted. To top it all off she then started making childish threats that she would bring my troubled long distance relationship with my child into it, which I found disturbing.
Basically this thing spiralled out of control and I know I'm not blameless, I know one of my faults is a temper. But I feel like this victimhood she hides behind is just an attempt at gas lighting. Can someone just give me their thoughts on this because I'm not sure what to feel any more. I don't think it's wise to carry on this friendship.
Ask yourself if you need a verbally agressive, conflictive and argumentive person in your life regardless of their personality or medication. Hats off to you for trying to be a friend but it's at the stage where you can no longer go down that path and stay sane.
It doesn't matter if her previous BF left her for whatever reasons, what does matter is that you're struggling to support her, as a friend, when nothing worthwhile is coming back to you.
If you distance yourself from her then she can't push your temper buttons, which she manipulates to her satisfaction, and it also means you're not giving her any more opportunity to do so.
You need to be kind to yourself and be honest about it all which will help you evaluate whether this friendship is worth your time and effort.
Hi, thank you. I agree, I shouldn't make time for narcissits regardless of their issues. It doesn't excuse their behaviour or entitle them to my time and energy.