Been seeing someone for a few months and our relationship has progressed quickly. I’ve been a widow for 8 years and this is my 3rd relationship in that time period.
My adult daughter who lives far away met my new boyfriend for the first time on thanksgiving. My son has met him several times and at first he was unsure about him but says he likes him more now.
I told my bf that my daughter can be critical but she’s generally fair minded and protective of me.
My bf can be somewhat bossy and he is generally very kind but does have an edge on occasion and some would say a bit of arrogance.
When he met my daughter he was cooking dinner for me, my family and friends and his kids. We both cooked for 8 hours straight. My daughter arrived with her boyfriend and she wasn’t in a great mood. She has been through a bumpy flight and was tired. The first half hour they met was ok but then it went downhill.
My bf told my daughter our cat needs to stay in basement during dinner because his son is allergic and the cat has been a bit nasty lately so he didn’t want his grandkids near the cat. He told her the cat has kidney issues which is somewhat true. She got really upset and cried because it's technically her cat but his behavior has been out of sorts lately. I worked it out that the cat only had to leave while we had company. But then she mentioned where she lived and my bf said I wouldn’t want to go there. She says it’s a nice city and he says maybe in the spring it’s nice but not for me. She told me she felt he attacked her words about a lot of things and didn’t like him.
I talked to him the next day and he felt bad and said he didn’t intend to be mean. I told him to leave unless he straightened things out with her. He eventually talked to her but not sure exactly what he said and he did apologize to me several times. They seemed to get along the next day. We watched movies for several hours together and he had brought her chicken broth because her stomach hasn't been good for several weeks and gave her a holiday present she wanted.
My daughter said only 1 prior boyfriend “knew his place” so she liked him and she thought the other ex boyfriend was opportunistic but would not have talked to her negatively and bossy like my current bf.
Is his behavior a red flag? He is generally nice and considerate so I don’t know why this happened.
On reading between the lines of your post, you have already presented this issue previously and because you have presented the facts differently, the answer to your issue lies solely with you. You need to make your mind up whether your new BF is worth it and right for you, regardless if he comes across as arrogant and bossy. His actions tell you who he is and what sort of a person he is.
You're the person who has him in your life and you're the person who must now make a decision as to where he fits in your life.
Going by your post, your BF's lack of respect for you, your home and your family is glaringly obvious and it's up to you whether that's a red flag or not and regardless of how your daughter judges him.
Sounds like two people with conflicting personalities clashed.
And you are in the middle.
Get to know your BF better before bringing him into your family dynamics. It sounds like you have concerns about how he is with you, much less with family and friends. Get that sorted out first.