Can he give me what I want in a relationship
I have been with my husband for 14 years. Married for 3. We have two children 5,6.
We have drifted apart. We don’t communicate. No affection or love or support from him. He doesn’t seem to think of me, like if I’ve had an interview he won’t ask how it’s gone...because he just doesn’t remember. When my Nan has been rushed to hospital, he doesn’t ask how she is.
The only contact we have is sex probably every month or two. Which is awkward because we just don’t touch each other any other time. Sometimes we don’t even kids during sex.
Hes recently given up smoking marijuana and is now grumpy and snappy and it’s like living with Jekyll and Hyde.
He won’t discuss it with me and I’ve tried many times over the years to explain we need to work harder to make it work but nothing ever changes.
I just want someone to love me and support me and I’m not sure he can ever give me that.
But he’s a wonderful dad and my kids are so young I just don’t know if I can do that to them and take their dad away from them.
You can ask your husband to work on your marriage together until you're blue in the face but he's who he is and if he hasn't picked up on what needs to be done, then you need to give him an ultimatum.
Sure, we all need to be loved, respected and supported so that our relationship is successful and happy, but we need to be with someone who shares our values and standards and importantly, shares our expectations and justifies our need to be together.
It's a matter of opinion of whether he's capable at the moment given his withdrawal from the weed. He needs to do one thing at a time, but if you feel it'll make no difference to your marriage whether he smokes or not, then you don't have much of a choice.
It's the man inside who will either clean up his act or just go back to where he was. It'll come down to how much he needs you, his kids and his marriage as opposed to other things in his life.
Yeah he may be a good father, but your kids are living in an unhappy environment and down the track, could end up just as miserable and unhappy as you are at the moment. Some professional counseling could do you guys a world of good, but you would probably have a battle trying to get your man there and for counseling to work you both need to go there willingly and with open minds.
If your relationship doesn't get work done asap, it will end. It's a question of time. You can endure it for the kids sake, but it will end undoubtedly. It's up to both of you to decide if you want to end it or work on it. Although I think it's a waste of life to endure something that will die. Do you still love each other? Because if you don't, any work will be pointless. It will just be postponing the inevitable.
Breaking up doesn't mean that you'll take away your kids from him. If he is a good father i bet you have no problems with him spending time with them. Like manalone said, it's preferable to have divirced parents than to learn bad copping habits from unhappy parents.
I'm also in a bad relationship, and although we're in different realities, i can assure you it won't get better if you both continue in that course. Talk to your husband openly and honestly. Tell him you both need help to get back on the right track and consult a therapist. Come up with a plan and stick with it.
I wish you all the best!