Should I estrange from my dad?
Hi, it’s a touchy subject but basically me and my dad have never really had a close relationship. I am now mid 20’s and have tried to arrange to see him at Christmas but it seems as though he found multiple excuses as to why he doesn’t have time and made me feel like a bit of a burden or inconvenience. He never messaged me to ask if I’m okay and we see each other about once a year probably and if so I’ve had to arrange it. He has another family married and children and (mostly) his wife will message me or my fiancé to say they want to see our puppies but never say they want to see me. He always boats on social media about how proud he is about his sons and wife and all the family days they have out which are sometimes local to my house, which he has never been to. I’m currently having a hard time with my mental health and I’m starting to thing he might be part of the reason and I’m considering telling him I no longer want him to be part of my life. I just need some advice really. Thank you
Have to tried to communicate with him first about how you’re feeling? Using examples of Christmas and his wife texting you instead of him. It might be an easy conversation but one worth having?
It does sound like he is wrapped up in his family with his wife and kids, but I’d see if he’s willing to change and be more considerate first.
Do you have an uncle, friend’s dad, or other older man that you can bond with?
I ask this because it sounds like your father is rejecting you or is disinterested in having a relationship. Who knows where, why, or when this started? How old were you when your parents separated/divorced? What do you know about the terms of the separation?
So one suggestion is to stop trying to make this happen. And when his wife calls, tell her thanks for the call, but you will wait for the invitation directly from him.
In the meantime, find an older make mentor to fill your “ dad attention” needs. I had to do that to get my “ mom attention” needs from older women because my mother was a self absorbed alcoholic.