Separation and divorce
I’ve been with my wife for over 20 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but the last three years have been terrible. Our kids are now nearly grown up and doing exams now ahead of going off to university and without the shared goal of bringing them up we have drifted apart massively.
We argue a lot and I tend to retreat into myself and just avoid spending time with her. We still have fun together though and we also still have a sex life although I think we have quite different sexual tastes - luckily there is enough overlap to ensure we both enjoy it normally.
My problem is that whilst I find her attractive, I don’t feel affectionate towards her. I find myself annoyed and irritated most of the time and I’m always happy when I’m away from home.
I’ve always enjoyed flirting with other women but more recently I’ve started wanting things to go further and have had two affairs. The second one (recently) and chatting to another woman online, has made me think that I need to separate from my wife as I can’t seem to control this behaviour and it is clearly not fair or right.
I’m a recent argument my wife said she wanted a divorce if things didn’t improve and for once I agreed and said I’d move out in January. She then said she wasn’t serious and we should work things out.
I feel I should leave - I’m not happy and love her though I do I want to be with someone I adore and really click with sexually. I think things will only get worse and that won’t help anyone. We are basically now separated but under the same roof until I move out Mon - Fri next week and we will see how things go. It would be easy to go back and ‘try again’ but I know I will just be seeking affection And excitement elsewhere.
I’m not surE if it is the marriage which is broken or me. Any advice greatly appreciated.
Ask yourself if you have love, trust, communication and respect in your marriage. If you don't, then it's basically over. Your wife may want to work it out but you have to have the same NEED and if you don't want to try again after you do move out, then you're walking way and beginning the next chapter of your life looking for someone else.
There is the option of counseling but you both need to want to go through with it, otherwise, you're throwing away good money. Not only could you improve your marriage but you may spare you kids some grief in the process because, no matter what their age, unfortunatly a divorce will affect them.
Respectfully, divorce is never easy and after 20 years (there's alot of history there) you need to prepare yourself to living a completely different life without looking back over your shoulder.