Torn between two people
AMMS - Jan 6 2020 at 22:03
I have a 5 yr relationship with my bf who is my best fried and loves me madly but from last 3 years I am deeply attracted physically to a guy who is our mutual friend. This second guy went abroad for a year and during this time I tried to forget him and somewhat I did but still I was in contact with him through text. We are Muslims so I don't have done sex with anyone till now but my boyfriend did kiss n all that romance with me. From the first day of our relationship he wanted me to marry but because of my lack of focus and emotional infedilty I couldn't take a decision to marriage. My bf also knew that I had some attraction to that guy. Now I am 27 and I have a huge family pressure to get married. I don't know what to do,marry my Bf or marry the person who I admire n lust a lot from last three years? He seems interested in marriage too. It is difficult for me to end my 5 year relation n marry someone else but my heart says that if I can't forget him after 3 years what would I do in next 10 years..also I m worried to that would I regret someday losing someone who loves me madly? what should I do?
Serious suggestions needed.
Desperate and sad.
I realize I'm not sure what country you might live in, and what kinds of pressures you may be facing from society and family to marry. But I think the world in general has become more accepting of peoples' decisions to stay single if they so choose.
Marriage has a big impact on a person's life. You were right to reject your boyfriend's request to marry on the first day of your relationship. In my personal opinion, I don't really agree with the concept of marriage, and I especially disagree with the idea of rushing into marriage. To me a suggestion of marriage is something that would come along after a period of invested time and experiences together with someone special, if at all.
If I am being honest, it sounds like you don't have romantic feelings for your current boyfriend, at least based off of how your post sounds. You say he is your best friend, and that he loves you madly, but you seem to stop short at suggesting you feel the same way about him.
My advice is to become single for the time being, and also just kind of try to enjoy the independence for a while and don't rush into marriage with the other man, either. Maybe you can work on being just friends with both men, and take romance out of the equation for a while. There is nothing wrong with that, there is more to life than relationships. There is oneself.
Basically you don't marry unless you both share the same love and respect for each other. Marriage isn't easy at the best of times and it's a serious committment to each other.
Depending on your culture, you may be under pressure to marry but if you don't love your BF as he loves you and the other guy is about lust, then neither of them are the lifetime partner that you need.
You don't love your boyfriend so spare him a future of heartache and let him go. This infatuation with this other guy will one day fizzle out and you'll wonder why you wasted so much time lusting after him. That's all it is, INFATUATION. Its exciting now, but it will die out.
The lusty guy is from a humble background but has a permanent job as a lecturer in University. He has a bright future. I heard he had physical relations with one or two girls but not marrying. He is kind and very soft-spoken. Many people admire him. He is a tedx speaker as well.To tell a bit about him , his father died in his early teens and I also do not have my father in this world.
My bf is very rich (much more than the lusty guy) ,starting his own business,very caring and loving. He is good-looking too and I felt attracted to him in the start but the attraction fizzled out after 1.5-2years. Also I feel the lusty guy is extra ordinarily handsome and his personality attracts me a lot like he seems to me like the ideal man hero I ever wanted. I understand that this may be a phase but the thing to worry is that my attraction in him has not finished from last 3 years. (though I was in relation with my bf from last 5 years). I kinda forget the lusty guy for a while when he went abroad but whenever I see him or any of his pic on social media the attraction again pops up. Also I feel my attraction for this guy is much more than the attraction that I have for my bf but on the other hand I have hundred percent compatibility with my bf in nature and goals for life. But the attraction with other guy is not finishing.
Also my heart says that can infatuation lasts for so many years? Is it something more than infatuation?
I suggest you imagine the future with them both. Seriously. Who do you want to be with forever. Who do you want to raise kids with and grow old with. Also remember that your moment of lust can leave just as quickly. If they both qualify... then look at pros and cons. Family opinions? If your boyfriend is that much in love with you he will understand just as he is now. But don’t lease him on any longer.
You might like to do some research on their families - see how their childhood experience has affected them from a positive and negative aspects. I suggest you make a decision around which person you like being with. Nothing can make up for having a person you want to be with. Money, good looks are fine until you no longer enjoy them. You will always enjoy the person who you get on with. Even in the quiet times you will still want them. Anything else cannot make up for that.
You don't even know if lusty guy even likes you in that way. If he isn't interested in you then your feelings for him doesn't matter. You are keeping your boyfriend on standby purely because he is rich. This is wrong.
Don't marry someone you feel unsatisfied with-- so if your current boyfriend doesn't satisfy you, don't marry him. as for the other guy, you should probably spend some time together with him before deciding to marry--thats a big decision.