It is difficult for me to write this because i always try to put up a facade that nothing is wrong with me. But right now i just can't handle it anymore and i have to let it out. In September of last year i decided to start a new study since i wanted to get away from my dead end job.
I went in with full confidence that i was going to make my first year and i wanted to give it my all. But as the time went on i just started to feel more and more down and depressed because i just can't see the purpose for me in life anymore. I would start to procrastinate and i have yet to get a good grade as of this moment and i just feel like i am letting myself down. There are several reasons for this and one of the main ones is that there is a girl in my class who i just fell for the moment i started talking with her. She is already in a relationship sadly and i just hurts me that after not feeling something for someone for such a long time, when i finally do it is someone i cant have. And while she is lovely and a good friend (She is one of the persons i confide in about the fact i feel depressed). She also reminds of something i can't have. So this, combined with the fact that i just can't seem to find reason in life has led to me feeling so bad that i sometimes have random moments where i start to cry. For example, when i went for some drinks with the girl of my class and another classmate i just had to get away for because i just couldn't handle it anymore. So i just went walking for like an hour without telling them since i didn't want to feel like a burden to them.
I am just completely lost, i feel i failed since i am 25 and i still haven't achieved anything. I feel like a failure
2. There's no age restriction on these things. People move at their own pace. And honestly, you still have your whole life ahead of you. Continue on your path. If you need to change directions later when you find something you like better, then you will do that.
3. Your friend seems lovely. Have you told her how you feel about her? Doing so could relieve you of a burden you didn't know you had. It could also open new doors for you..wink wink. If you already have then that's awesome. Another achievement. Try putting yourself out there. Interacting with other people. Making new friends. It might help.
4. You're procrastinating because you don't believe in yourself. Confidence is key. You can do it! You can finish those assignments in time. And even if you don't really believe it, pretend to believe it. Some of that pretend will stick with you. Understand that if you try your best you will eventually get the result that you want. Also understand that things do not happen overnight. You can't judge your progress on one semester. Keep trying. The climb to the top will be slow, but it will be worth it.
Don't give up. Keep moving.
2: I just feel kind of ashamed that at this age i still have to go to school, while most of my classmates are around 20.
3: Yeah, she is lovely lol. And i confessed to her what i felt for her. And she was really cool about it actually, i told her i didn't want this to change our relationship with each other and she felt the same way about it (She even wanted to be my wingwomen lol. So) but it still sucks to see her since i still have these feeling for her.
4: I try to stay motivated, i really like this study since i always wanted to do something with IT and programming etc. But when i see people that have a much easier time with the assignments it just makes me frustrated that i am having such a hard time with it. I want to bee good at it, and i really want this to be my job later on after i hopefully graduate.
You'r response did make a feel a little bit better tho, so thank you for that. I can really use as much positive vibes as possible right now.