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Don't want to lose contact over this

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Emotional advice Recently my parents offered to take myself, my husband and our four year old daughter on holiday as a Christmas present. We were very thankful for the offer.

Our daughter started at a school nursery after Christmas, having previously been in a private nursery. One big difference is that they close more frequently than the other nursery (they share the same holidays as the school) so we will now have to try and plan our annual leave at work to coincide with these dates.

Together my husband and I don't get enough annual leave from work to cover all the school holidays, so unless we got help from family we would have to use paid childcare or arrange unpaid leave.

My parents wanted to take us on holiday during term time, so this was something that it dawned on me, we just could not do. I explained the reasons over the phone to my dad and thought that perhaps there could be some discussion following on from this as to other solutions, etc.

However, my mum has text me yesterday evening saying not to bother with them anymore and implying that because we managed to go away on holiday outside of the school holidays for the last couple of years (different childcare/nursery, different holidays then) that we're just trying to be difficult out of spite.

I think there may be some jealousy because we have gone away with my in-laws before now a couple of times and I think they are looking for an opportunity to experience time on holiday with us and their grandchild, which I completely understand.

The thing is that before now they've never really made much effort to come round and have never, as far as I recall ever invited us round to theirs (a very different experience from in-laws, who are eager to see family on a frequent basis). I even suggested that our daughter is sleeping well at night now and they could have her overnight if they wanted to, but they seemed less than enthusiastic about the prospect.

It's just awkward because I don't want to react in a petty way but I also don't want to reinforce the response I got as it's basically an adult tantrum by text.. Its also coming up to my mum's birthday soon, so I feel I will have to confront them soon enough about this as I can't follow her "advice" of not bothering with them. Could really do without drama like this.. ?

Don't want to lose contact over this

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There shouldn't be anything preventing you from discussing with your parents the reasons why you had to decline the holiday. If the offer came from their heart then there shouldn't be any conditions with it and nor should there be an issue whether you could accept it or's that simple. This alone should tell you where you stand with them in comparison with your husband's parents.

You need to ask your parents to help you to understand of how thay can accuse you of being spiteful by having to say no because of very sensible reasons. From there, you should get an idea of what they're thinking and how and why it's come about. Rather than copying your mother using a direspectful text, you need to be mature about it and speak to your parents face to face about the issue.

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