I’m 24 years old and on the 31st January my father had a sudden stroke and passed away (I stayed in hospital with him for 2 weeks until he passed) my boyfriend of 3 years started distancing himself shortly afterwards (we’ve lived together for 7 months) and on the 13th February we had a massive argument because he had been out and wouldn’t answer my calls or texts, which he had never done before. When he got home he told me “not to start” and that’s when we had the argument.
The following morning he went to work and I text him saying “we should probably talk tonight” so he then rang me and we were discussing what happened the previous night, he kept saying that he can’t make me happy (whilst crying) now bit of a back story he’s always been a super affectionate loving boyfriend and has always said I’m his number one priority we’ve had arguments before because I’ve been venting to him and he gets stressed because he can’t help me like the week before we had an argument because I was struggling to pay for my dads funeral and I was crying and his response was “well what do you want, do you want me to pay for it?” And snapped at me.
During our phone call I had got it in my head that we needed to break up due to the fact that he didn’t want my younger sister who’s 19 moving in with us, he said he would resent me for it and he felt a lot of pressure to look after her then said he felt as though he was losing himself. Now the reason my younger sister needs somewhere to stay is my Dad was her only parent and she’s off to uni in September so has no where to live. So as you can see i felt as though I was stuck so I told him I would pack my stuff and go and he was obviously upset by this, we were both crying.
I started packing my things and after a couple of hours I rang him back and stated I didn’t want to do this and asked him to not let me go to which he replied “please don’t say that” whilst crying. I asked him if we could work something out with regards to me still being with him and living with my sister and he said “he’d have to think about it” which deeply upset me but this has been one of the things I’m the kind of person to just jump in and do something/help someone but he likes to take a step back and assess the situation. When he said he’d have to think about it it angered me and I said “well you’ve given me your decision haven’t you” and he agreed it would be for the best for me to leave but asked if he could stay in contact and I said it’s probably not for the best.
When I got off the phone with him I was pretty upset and text him saying he’s broken my heart when I need him most and how I feel he’s taken some of my best years and for what? For memories? I didn’t want memories I wanted you for the rest of my life and that I’m honestly truly broken right now.
Later that evening I was hysterical and tried ringing him but he wouldn’t answer so I sent him a few texts about how I want to be selfish (one of the things that caused arguments is he said I do too much for others and don’t look after myself) and I can’t and don’t want to leave him and can we please just work something out?
Well it’s 6 days later now and he’s not responded or even read my messages I feel like I never existed to him, he came into my work today to drop off a package I had delivered to his address (before the break up) and he saw me and just scurried away (then dropped the package off once he saw that I was gone) I’m just so confused he was crying on the phone saying how much he loved me and that I’m his best friend and I know I made a rash decision to leave but I didn’t want him suffering because of my family yet again. I just wish he would talk to me because honestly I can’t eat or sleep at the moment and I genuinely feel like I’m going crazy I know everyone says to do the no contact rule but I honestly cannot wait around like this the thought of not having him in my life physically hurts me (I’ve been having tremors since all this happened) I know he’s hurting but I just feel like if he’d talk to me we could fix all of this but right now I genuinely just feel like he’s gone forever and it’s not something I want.
Basically I need advice on whether he might come back? Or what he might just be thinking right now, it’s the uncertainty of this whole thing that’s throwing me off, I’ve asked him to tell me if we aren’t getting back together then please at least just tell me “No” then I can try and move on but right now I just feel like I’m in limbo and I just genuinely do not know what to do or how to rectify any of this. I just want to fix things but I can I fix them if he won’t speak to me? I’ve apologised to him but I just feel hated by him. It’s my dads funeral on Monday and I really want him to be there but I don’t know how to make that happen
Also he knows I have no where to live either and I’m currently sleeping on a couch, I just really want to go home and be with him I truly miss him.
Sounds like overload of emotions following a number traumatic events for you ( sick father, then loss of parent, feeling responsible for caretaking of sister, financial strain, moving out, breakup, and now, uncertainty about this relationship)
And there he is, asking you what you want him to do and you can’t answer him because it’s all so overwhelming.
Please see a counselor to help you sort out all these things and help you express yourself to this man. He sounds confused and is standing still because he can’t figure out what you want. He’s not a mind reader.
Good luck. Time will help you, but you must grieve properly and determine what you want for yourself.