So I’ve met someone whom I really like, it’s the first person in a quite a while that I actually feel a real, immediate connection with - one that’s beyond interests and hobbies etc. And I know he feels very strong feelings for me too. We’ve only seen each other a handful or so of times in the past month or two, but have slept together and are in constant contact. He’s also been there for me through difficulties that have propped up, and I the same for him. It’s very much feeling like we’re on the road to get into a fairly serious relationship, especially considering how we both feel for each other and it quite unexpected for the both of us.
The issue is, is that I’m absolutely terrified of being with just one person. There are other guys whom I’m friendly with and get along well with and sleep together, but nothing even vaguely close to the connection I feel with him. If I had to choose, I’d choose him in a heartbeat. However I’m at a point where it almost feels unhealthy to put all my emotional needs or desires to one person - I’ve come out of a longterm, and very intense relationship and I know the closeness of it brought on an attachment that was unhealthy for me. That I was more attached to him and the relationship than myself. So wanting to see other people isn’t anything specific about the other people, at all, not is it specific about not wanting to be with him as I really do. It’s just that the idea of monogamy feels terrifying and unhealthy. I haven’t broached this with him - I want to because I really feel a need to be honest with him as he feels like someone very important to me but I don’t want to lose him nor hurt him. I’m also not sure if it’s just fear of a relationship or that I’m being sensible about keeping my life open in a way so I don’t lose myself as I know I have the tendency to do. I’m worried about how he’ll react or how what I’m saying sounds like - I don’t think he’s seeing anyone else (highly doubt it), but it’s possible I guess. I think he’s fallen pretty hard and fast for me and I really really do care about him a lot and think he’s very special. I just don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want to lose him or hurt myself by doing something I’m not sure is right for me (ie. a monogamous relationship) and I’m not sure what to do.
Any words of advice, insight or thoughts would be truly appreciated.
Has he mentioned a future with you? Maybe he feels that this is a casual relationship, too, and isn’t interested in anything more.
If you are hesitant to agree to a monogamus relationship with anyone, then don’t fret about it. Just make it clear from the beginning that you don’t want anything serious.
You will know when you are in true love and want to give yourself totally and exclusively to one person. It will be mutual, too.
It doesn’t sound like you are there yet.
PS. Be sure to take care of yourself health wise if you are having relations with multiple partners.