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Keep distance

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Children & Young People advice I have 3 children aged over 2O, two boys and a girl. our son who is the middle one never contacts me at all. even on my birthday he never sent a text message to wish me all the best. he sent me a card but it would of been nice to of received a text message too. i sent a text message to him saying thankyou for the card and for putting money towards a present the 3 of them had chipped in to get me. he stays in touch with my husband and will contact him a lot but never me. it hurts because I bought them all up the same and I know he as heard me and my husband arguing over the years and I think he as took my husbands side more but what parent hasn't argued in front of the kids over the years. Myself, husband and youngest son went to see him a week ago to take him out for a meal and some drinks for his up coming birthday. after going for the last drink of the night in a pub I heard him say, f... o.f mum. i was talking about the wine being expensive when you can get cheaper wines because it cost £27. i did not say anything to him about what he said and i don't know if my husband heard him, his girlfriend or our youngest son. he had had a few drinks before this and he was swearing a bit so I knew he was a bit tipsy but I wondered why he came out with it. he is away now abroad on a little break with his girlfriend for his birthday and I sent him a text message wishing him a happy birthday and to have a nice time away but I have not heard back from him yet he replied to my husband when my husband sent him a text message. so should I not bother anymore and never send him a text message like he doesn't with me and don't bother with him and just let him contact my husband? our daughter never stays intouch either with me but at least she sends me a text on my birthday and will send the odd text every blue moon. our youngest son stays intouch with me a lot more then the other two. I know they all have there own lives because they all live away from home but they aren't that busy all the time to not keep intouch. I have made the effort with my middle son to be nice to him and be supported in things he does but im asking myself way I should bother anymore when he teats me the way he does. I do not want to ask him face to face what I have done to deserve the way he treats me because I find it hard to confront people.

Keep distance

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You're correct, there's an issue as to why your middle son won't talk to you but in this case, you need to confront him whether you like it or not. Your husband, quite likely, has an idea why this is happening and so you should start the process by discussing it with him first. Your son still sees you as his mother because he addresses you as Mum (even when it's preceded with an exasperating epithet) and still sends you a card and chips in for a birthday gift.

You may or may not be expecting too much from your adult children but if you need clarification from your middle son, then you will have to go face to face with him. Yes, it may be a hard thing to do but in the long run, it's the only way.

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