Is my fiance cheating on me with his crazy stripper ex?
BCARL - Mar 9 2020 at 05:26
My fiance of 2 years has admitted to cheating on every girl he has dated in his past (except me) he says. He continues to stay in contact with his ex gf who I believe is still in love with him, has tried breaking us up and said bad things about me. For background information, they dated for 2 years and she was previously emotionally and physically abusive to him, cheated on him with multiple people (was a stripper) and was/maybe still is a drug addict. I have told him over and over how uncomfortable and sad it makes me when he continues to text her/see her every so often. When she found out we started dating, she came over banging on his door high on heroine trying to get him back, while I was there. He recently lied about meeting up with her to “help her out with her car”. He says he didn’t want to tell me because he knows I would get mad. He has met up with her a few times. I believe she has bad intentions and wants to get him back and ruin our relationship. He says he is just being a nice guy and thinks she has moved on, but I have told him how painful it is for me and there are other people she can go to for help with her car. I have seen texts from her talking shit on me and professing her love for him. I do not understand why it is so hard for him to let her go especially after all the pain she caused him and after he knows how upset it makes me. I do not trust her and she continues to reach out to him after 2 years of them breaking up and he continues to answer her. It has been causing arguments and trust issues in our relationship. I’m starting to have anxiety/nightmares and have cried too many times over it because of the lying and fear of getting hurt/cheated on. I on the other hand have never cheated on him (or anyone) and have zero desire to be with anyone else. I love him so much, but can’t seem to get past his relationship with his ex. Is it wrong that I gave him an ultimatum to stop texting/meeting up with her after all the issues it has caused over the last 10 months. We have almost broken up due to the fights it has caused. The patterns of his lying, continuing to be in contact with her after me expressing my concerns, and his past cheating behavior is alarming to me. I wish he would respect my feelings more and let her go. Am I paranoid/wrong to ask this of him? I'm not sure if he is cheating or what to do.
Who knows what your 'fiance' is doing but one thing is for sure is that he's not being loyal to you. He can't expect you to stay with him while he lies to you and manipulates your relationship together. It's all OK for you to love him but ask yourself what's coming back to you from him...misery, trust issues, anxiety and negative arguments. Nothing here bodes well and it should be a big red flag to you. How can you expect to be successfully engaged to be married to a guy when he can't close the book on his ex because he allows her to still be in his life.
It's not so much about you giving him an ultimatum, it's about you walking out the door as soon as you can and finding yourself a man who will love and respect you as you deserve to be.
Let me ask you- are you happy with the current status of your relationship? It doesn't sound like it. If he loves you and only you then he needs to break off contact with his ex. It sounds like he is with her more than you unfortunately right now because he is worried about her feelings and getting into fights with you over her. I know it sucks to hear and feel because you love him, but think about how you are feeling right now and if you deserve that. Don't wait to be the one left standing alone to pick up the pieces-if he loves you then he'll realize what he's losing. And if not, then you have your answer and you can begin healing and moving on to find someone who deserves your love and loyalty.