Not knowing when to reach out after being broken up with my boyfriend
My boyfriend and I have just broken up after 5 years together. We are both 27 years old. He had issues with me having previous partners when I was the only one he had slept with and couldn't shake this.
We decided to go on a 6 month break and he went travelling in order for him to try and get past these issues he had. He got with other people and THAT I AM OKAY WITH (please don't judge based on this). That is what we agreed. However, we promised each other we would be together when he got back and we both passionately deep down know we are perfect for each other. We kept in intermittent contact (every couple of weeks) and during this time I had a family bereavement (towards the end) and then it was also my birthday. He was very loving and supportive and then all of a sudden it was like he had just changed.
He came back after travelling and told me he had been having feelings of guilt for what he did when he was travelling and for making me wait and that the feelings he previously had had come up again and he was VERY UPSET. He kept saying 'I don't know.. I just don't know' and explained how he felt so guilty but he wasn't ready to go back into the relationship. He then left my house after this.
He came back 10 mins later and told me 'I just cant do it anymore' and was crying and very shaken. He didn't stay long and just left.
Since then we have not spoken- I want to give him space and I think he wants to do the same for me. But I REALLY miss him and want to know that he is okay as honestly I was worried about him.
When do I reach out to him? I was thinking in another week or two. I want him to know how I feel, that I care about him and I also want him back so desparately. But it is so hard not knowing how he is feeling- I feel so paranoid and helpless. Has anyone got any advice or has anyone been through a similar situation?? It would help me massively if you could share your thoughts
Regardless of what you guys promised each other, your BF is more confused now than he was before he went away. You can't expect him to come back to you or even answer you, when he's still dealing with issues from the past. You need to give him as much space as you can bear to because he'll come back to you when he's ready and not before. The challenge will be as to what he comes back to you as and how he comes back to you.
Yeah, people will judge you and others won't,..for being fine with him being with others especially after 5 years together, but you need to understand that he needs professional counseling to help him get over his issues and not so much the company of others. Whatever has happened while you were separated is your BF's responsibility (even with your OK) and not yours, and therefore he alone has to sort his head and justify his actions to himself first and foremost.