So I’m having a mental crisis. I’ve been with this guy for almost 2 years and we got engaged 3 months ago. I’m 24 and he’s 25. We live together and have 2 dogs together. I’ve had on and off feelings about the relationship the entire time.
I’ll list off the pros and cons of dating this person.
Pros: he can be very sweet to me, I’m comfortable around him, I know he loves me and cares about me, I know I love him, he’s the only person I have in my life besides my family.
Cons: he has a temper, we have differing views on a lot, I have a job and he doesn’t which forces us to live with my parents because I don’t make enough at my job, he doesn’t show me affection the way I want it (I’ve told him this numerous times and no change), he doesn’t do much for me, and we never have sex (maybe 1x every 2-3 weeks) & that’s because he doesn’t want to.
I also have been missing being single.
I didn’t truly start to doubt us until my ex boyfriend/former best friend messaged me wishing me a happy birthday last year.
Basically I’ve been best friends with this other guy for 8 years but it’s been a complicating 8 years. I stopped being friends with this person because I could tell my boyfriend was jealous of the friendship.
So when he messaged me I messaged him back and it was a platonic thing, no flirting or anything, just catching up but I didn’t tell my boyfriend. One day he visited me at work and when I saw him literally so many confusing emotions flooded out of me.
Soon after my boyfriend and I broke up because I was confused. But as soon as I broke up with him, it didn’t feel right. I felt like I was supposed to stay with him and begged for him back and we got back together.
A few months later he proposed to me, I said yes. I was convinced I wanted to be with him.
But then lately I’ve been having doubts. I’m severely struggling financially, He got a job and quit it, and basically guilted me into buying a $1000 puppy I didn’t want because we couldn’t afford it. This was a month ago and ever since then I’ve been obsessively doubting our relationship.
He found out I was messaging my ex/best friend and I told him I just wanted to be friends but he told me he didn’t want me talking to him anymore so I haven’t.
Ever since I’m very quiet, confused, and depressed because I don’t know what to do.
He doesn’t have a job, we don’t agree on the same things all the time, I don’t like him kissing me anymore.
On the other hand, I do know I care about him and do love him. I’m afraid of what will happen if we did break up. I don't want to break his heart and I don’t want to make the wrong decision. I feel like I can’t accomplish anything being with him either. I also don’t want to lie from him or keep things from him.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve never been so confused in my life. I don’t know what I should do. Please help.
I’m sorry if this is jumbled and confusing. It’s a lot of messy emotions and conflicting feelings.
If your head, heart and gut line up then all's well, when they don't, you need to listen to your gut. It's your head and heart which are confusing you at the moment. It's all good to love your fiance, but if you're not in love with him then you're basically just going through the motions of trying to have a fulfilling relationship.
What's the use of being unhappy and confused trying to be happy with a guy and attempting to make a life with him when he doesn't trust you and controls you. This guy needs to be there for you, to comfort you and to reassure you and make your heart feel safe, and if he's 'not there' when you reach out for him then it only adds to the emotional stress in your relationship.
If you both are not striving to improve your relationship and happily planning a future together, then you're not on the same page together. You alone know if the guy's right for you and if he's not, then you know what to do.