Not relating to husband
Hi. Been married for 25 years this year to high school sweetheart. Have 2 kids ages 21 and 18. I’m experiencing a shift in our relationship. He doesn’t show that he is interested in me anymore. He started a new job which is very stressful. I also have a stressful job, but I put his needs and our kids’ needs first. I feel like I’m being taken for granted and looking for someone who understands my situation.
Your husband needs to understand that there's more to life than career and that he needs to have a work/life balance. When it comes to your marriage, you alone know your husband better than anyone else and you need to sit him down and get him to give you straight answers about his actions which lead you to feel that you're being taken for granted.
Thanks Manalone. This is not the first time. This situation between us happens quite often. We talk, I tell him how I’m feeling, and he becomes more attentive and supportive for awhile. He says he doesn’t want to lose me and may perform some gesture like cook breakfast one morning. Then our relationship reverts right back to the problems we’ve always had. I’m getting older more tired of this crap now.
You admit that there has been this self- sacrificing on your part for a long, so expect any kind of “ re- training” for him to take an equal role in the home to also take a long time. Plus, he probably has no idea what you want.
Put things in writing. A chart that clearly lists the jobs both of you have, and what he will be responsible for. Like making dinner Mon / Wed and Fri.; cleaning the bathrooms on Sat. Etc.
If the kids are still home, they too should have a clear picture of what is expected. No more “ Mom doing it all”
We women make our own gilded cages when we revolve around our family’s needs instead of creating participation and teamwork in the home, don’t we? Resentment, weariness, and a feeling of unfairness takes over.
Yes!!! I totally agree! Thank you for your words of wisdom and kindness