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Bad daughter?

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Emotional advice Hi all,
First time posting here, and wanting opinions. I feel really silly posting but would like advice.

So after 20 years of not seeing my alcoholic father, who abandoned me at 5 years old. I managed to track him down out of curiosity as a teenager. He was still an alcoholic and lets say it didnt end well again. Then, About 5 years ago i managed to find the strength to forgive him for his poor ways as an absent, violent parent. He got sober for 20 plus years and we were on a good terms. I praised him for his abstinence and was proud of him. Last year i lost my best friend to suicide, and struggled with finances. I have never asked my dad for a penny, nor did he pay maintainance as i grew up. So i asked to lend £40. I paid 20 back and completely forgot to send the other 20 due to the emotional turmoil i was suffering from bereavement. I explained what i was going through and apologised but told me to stop making excuses and threatened to take me to court over the £20 outstanding. I blocked him again out of my life as i have shed enough tears over that man, but found out he messages my teenage son without mention of myself. Do i sound to you guys like i've been a terrible daughter? I was so hurt being threatened with court over a minor amount. Surely I am worth more than that? X

Bad daughter?

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No, you're not a bad daughter or person when you've tried to reconcile with your father over the years. Your father's disease has taken the best years of your life. His reaction concerning the loan and the legal threat tells you where you actually stand with him absolutely, nevermind the amount and nevermind that he's sober now. It's your choice to cut him out of your life and you need to keep an eye on his influence with your teenage son.

Bad daughter?

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Your father may be a “dry drunk” - has all the behaviors of a user, just not ingesting his drink. So be wary of any expectations you have that he’s capable of giving anyone quality attention. He has no empathy for you and what you are going through.

Pay back the loan, because that’s what should be done, if you haven’t already. Don't expect anything else from him.

How old is your son?

This thread has expired - why not start your own?

B-1