In love with someone else other than my wife
DOG - Mar 24 2020 at 16:58
Hi, I am 50yrs old and due to past problems with my wife, my feelings for her have numbed.
For about 2 years now, I have been pretty obsessed with a young staff of mine.
She is the most wonderful, sweet girl you can imagine and I love everything about her. From her actions, her laughter, her silliness and even her little snaggletooth.
To make matters worse, she's a key staff and she's only 23yrs old.
I have seen her blossom from a teanager to a young woman and that's how I got to notice her.
She's much like my wife, even having birthdays just 2 days apart. And they're very close.
Everytime I see her, I feel better. I love love love looking at her face.
I love everything about her, even when she pisses me off with serious mistakes at work.
My wife and I have just patched up on a trial basis but I told her things cannot go back to the way they were.
We're in a strange place.
My staff also clearly doesn't have any feelings for me but it's driving me a little crazy seeing her on a regular basis.
I have come close many times to telling her how I feel. But I can't afford to creep her out or to make things awkward between us. But I do so adore her.
I think I have to keep this to myself and try to deal with it n get away from it all. If I don't see her on a regular basis, maybe I will forget her n move on.
I don't want them to lose a a friend, for her to be labelled a 3rd party (in the off chance she has feelings for me) or for her to sacrifice her youth for an old guy.
Even if we get together somehow, I will probably pass on when she's only in her 40s and she'll be left alone or to look for a partner at that old age. Not likely.
My only problem is how I feel. No one else feels this way and I shouldn't hurt them for selfish reasons.
I need someone to tell me that I'm doing the right thing and that I should leave them to avoid any problems.
I hope I am not being a dirty old man but I do do have feelings for her.
Dog, you need to prioritize what you have to do and that's first settle your marriage, whether you go back there, get some counseling and try to work it out or just file for divorce and move on. How you deal with your staff member is another matter but you need to keep your distance from her. It's a big enough effort trying to resolve your marriage issues without involving someone else, particularly someone who works for you and has no clue of how you feel about them. As you well know, there will be no winners if you try to go down that path. None.
Sort your life out and if that means starting afresh elsewhere, then so be it. No, you're not a dirty old man, rather you're lost and lonely at the moment and looking for that glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel, but keep in mind that 'there's no fool like an old fool'.
Hi Dog. Sorry for the delay in my response and thanks for sharing.
I think I may be supporting MANALONE's message. You mentioned your staff friend is much like your wife. I am assuming that you loved everything about your wife at one time, even when she "pissed you off". Please share why you can't go back to where you were with her. Marriage is hard work, but it is also a promise.
No, you are not a dirty old man for having desires for the opposite sex. God wired us that way. But He also gave us rules. Your are smart to recognize what can or may happen if this new relationship is developed at the expense of your marriage. You want someone to tell you, you are doing the right thing by staying away, then here I am telling you to stay away from developing the new relationship. I think, with your energy poured into your marriage, that you can keep the friendship with your "younger" friend. It will take some discipline and perseverance but that will produce character and that produces hope (Romans 5:3).
You are not a dirty old man. I am in my 70s and have had sexual relationships with much younger women in early 20s...
If you cannot work it with your wife, be honest and go seperate way.
You can enjoy your younger friend then:-)