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Is it fair people accuse me of pretending to be nice?

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SHE_FAR
- Apr 3 2020 at 12:07
Member since: Apr 2020
Emotional advice Hey, i'm new here, glad to meet whoever reading my post. I got an issue in which idk to whom i can speak to, so i guess this a better platform to share about it. Okay so, i just had a fight with somebody related to me, actually my close relative. We worked together at the same office, she recommended me as part timer and after working about 3 months i got permanent position, in which i've always been grateful to her for. So we both working in different department yet still on the same floor. She's been working there for about 5 years alrdy and for sure everyone at work know her.

So talk about myself, i'm an introvert, a silent person and always too focused on my work. I don't talk much at office, really shy when talking to people i don't know, very careful when conversing as to not sound rude. Contrary at home, i'm a strict person yet talk too much and kinda a moodmaker with my family. I kinda noisy and like to tease my siblings. But when working, i automatically revert to my introvert personality. Because only with people that i close to i can show my true self i guess. I swear I'm not being fake, i hate this side of myself too but that's how i am. I can't change it.

Okay so back to the topic, since I'm new at office, i don't know many people and they don't know about me. So their impression about me is that I'm a soft-spoken, good manner and silent person. I myself thinking I'm not as how they thought i am, but i just react by smiling cuz I'm really awkward with new people. The problem is when our office mates meet both of me and my relative, they can't help but jokingly compare both of us. My relative you know, she's completely opposite of me, she's a bit harsh, extrovert, straightforward and everything I'm not. And when people compare us, i always feel uncomfortable bcuz everytime she will say that I'm not like that at all at home. I just laugh, not talking much about it. Honestly during these moments, idk how my relative actually feel about it.

So recently we had fight, just a common fight and she update her status about me being fake,that I'm not as good as people see me, that people unable to see my true color at home. She's been mentioning about how fake i am at office and all. I'm so sad even tho she didn't mention my name specifically, but u can imagine it was me who's she refer to based on the way she talk. I feel suffocated, imagining how many people from our works gonna read her status and will automatically think it was me. I feel betrayed, why can't she freaking talk to me if she's been feeling unsatisfied about that issue.

What she get from doing this i wonder, no matter how mad i am to her i won't do such thing as revealing people weakness and all. I'm truly disappointed, knowing she's been feeling like that about how i am at work. Now people for sure gonna have bad impression of me. I always feel insecure being an introvert, people also don't talk much with me, they choose to talk among themselves, sometimes i felt left out. But thankfully still some of them show me kindness and befriending me. I also want to be someone who can talk daringly, being friendly so people will get comfortable with me. I tried but i can't.. Is it fair judging and accuse me while not knowing how struggle i am being like this?

Maybe some of u think lightly or it such not a big deal, but I'm really hurt by this. Cuz i know this can happen again in future. But what can i do? Nothing..

*ps: i wonder if there even people willing to read my story here, thanks anyway at least a bit of my burden were lifted off :')

Is it fair people accuse me of pretending to be nice?

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SUSIEDQQ
- Apr 4 2020 at 13:34
Member since: Dec 2013
Not unusual for people to have a different persona at work. So what if you are quiet at work? That’s no one’s business, so stop apologizing for it.

It sounds like you are a competent, devoted and responsible employee. Keep on with your good work ethic. Don’t apologize to anyone about your work.

Your relative is being very unprofessional by bringing in personal family issues into the workplace. Eventually she will be told that by the owners of the business. She’s making a fool of herself. Don’t apologize for her foolishness.

See a pattern here?

Is it fair people accuse me of pretending to be nice?

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MANALONE
- Apr 5 2020 at 02:37
Member since: Dec 2013
The previous poster is absolutely correct in every way. Your relative's actions tell you where you really stand with her and it's nobody's business of who you are. Yes, she will eventually be 'put on the mat' by her employer because her actions disrupt the workplace ethic as well as belittle you and attempt to control you.

You owe her nothing, regardless of her assistance with your current postion, but you owe it to yourself to do well and just get on with your life as you have always done.

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