Is this normal older teen behavior, or something else?
- Is often extremely envious of others and senses condescension and enmity where there isn’t any. Has gotten to the point where it’s mentally painful to them to acknowledge others’s talents- even people like Bob Ross or those who want to teach knowledge in arts kindly are seen as threats. Has avoided people helping them for years due to rage that ensues when trying.
-Can rarely ever feel happy for others.
-Pursues vengeance, usually with extremely hurtful words and the occasional physical violence. The violence is only hindered at threat of punishment. Has once lightly bitten a toddler in anger to hurt them, often gets an “endorphin rush” from punishing children and making them cry despite being taught to be kind. Will use people’s insecurities against them. Is quick to be on the offense if feeling slighted.
-Hypersensitive to criticism, but will be very callous towards others. Will not acknowledge one’s own mistakes or offenses without deflecting the blame on anyone else.
-Tries to manipulate and argue with others to do their work, and if it fails, will guilt trip them despite knowing its not fair.
-Often low cognitive empathy. For example, has asked excitedly asked rape victims to recall the details of their trauma without knowing it would hurt the victim, or once whipped a sibling but got offended when reprimanded because they didn’t realize it would hurt them. Often has to actually imagine someone doing to them what they do to others to feel their pain instead of it easily coming naturally. Won’t often do this.
-Generally unempathetic, but not entirely. Examples would be when a friend was suicidal, they asked the friend to text instead of talk verbally for the comfort of said teen upon the verge of suicide. When friends have trouble, friend will offer advice but little to no emotional comfort. Will only deal with facts. Will ignore friends and family problems entirely if they can’t solve it with a step by step process that doesn’t account for extreme emotion. Regularly threatens to hurt siblings (though doesn’t act on it due to fear of punishment). Will empathize with people if they suffered the same pain they did, but refuses to empathize with people who don’t have the ability to empathize at all- considers empathy a transactional thing. Other examples include brushing off people’s health problems, even potentially dangerous ones as “their fault”. Is annoyed when people feel heavy emotions, has been called “robotic”. Enjoys taking advantage of “doormat” type people, only hindered if they can’t get away with it.
-Is driven by their own form of justice. They have tried to subliminally influence many people online they deemed not worthy to live into killing themselves, and is regularly aroused by others’ pain- the most extreme example is arousal from a video of murder- the teen claimed it was justice because the victim deserved it for allowing themselves to take sexually risky endeavors (the victim was pulling a stunt and got taken advantage of, ending with brain damage.) Is best sexually driven by fantasies of people being forced into extreme submission/subjugation.
-Often black and white thinking, won’t tolerate grey areas easily except for their own benefit.
-Has guiltilessly shoplifted multiple times, only hindered by fear of being caught.
-Seemingly shallow friendships, often asocial.
-Often has narcissistic fantasies, often lives in their own head where they are happiest.
-Enjoys collecting people they find interesting but can’t emotionally connect with them much- merely wants to be entertained by them.
Possibly this teen suffers from deep self-hatred or emotional pain that they deny; so they channel their reactions to suffering onto others.
Often people who are hypersensitive to criticism are aware of themselves and the nature of their actions, and the pain they inflict upon others, so they do not like anything to be pointed out because they "know" it already. Shoplifting and inventing a "justice system" of sorts is a sometimes a way of expressing emotional turbulence and a complete separation from reality and demonstration of self-sabotage.
If the teen lives mostly in their head, it can easily turn into a very dark when chemical changes in the brain occur. I have had a friend who was on the spectrum (as mentioned in the post above) and this friend manipulated me time after time, merely seeking empathy and my attention. It was difficult for this friend to change; she was unable to remove herself from her mind, empathize, and see a situation clearly. She did not have much of a sense of right and wrong, other than what she was taught, and so manipulating and attacking people were valid reactions to the pain she suffered. She was kind, in the ways she could be, before entering her teen years.
I do not like to suggest this, but often times it is very easy for those who are removed from reality to convince themselves of having psychological issues. As you probably already know, the mind is very malleable, and nearly anyone can do this. However, because the person convinced themselves of something, they can also convince themselves out of something, if given a means or reason to do so.
This behavior is not normal for teens, and is common among those who have depression and the likes. Try to consult a therapist if you can, they can recommend treatment options and such. It will only work if the teen is willing to be honest, though. You speak of this teen and where they are right now; has they always been somewhat this way? Maybe try listing out the changes. Saving the most obvious for the last-are they physically fit and healthy?
I hope you can find the solution for all of you. Good luck.
Always been somewhat this way. No personality changes. Physically they’re alright.