I feel like my relationship is one-sided. Help?
I got into a relationship with someone almost 3 months ago. I’ve been into them for about 3 years, but it was only a few months ago that we got together. They originally said that we could give a relationship a try, and we agreed on that. Over these three months though, they haven’t really said much about it. Part of it might be because we live so far away, but I have other doubts.
See, they were never really open with their emotions or sharing how they feel. Recently they’ve been a little better about it, but it can be hard sometimes. I’m a little worried that they just aren’t into me, and they’re only in this to make me happy. We’ve been friends since we were 3, and I’m absolutely crazy about them, and they know it. I know they enjoy being friends with me, but I’m worried that they might not want to be in a relationship with me.
I completely understand if they don’t. I just don’t want them to feel like they HAVE to. The last thing I want is for them to feel pressured into being with me. I think part of the problem may be the distance. We used to live in the same area, and we went to the same school, but they moved away recently. It was really hard to cope with, especially because they moved just when I was finally coming to terms with my feelings for them. I’ve had a very hard time accepting that I feel this way about them because of the way that I was raised. And now that I’m more confident with the way I feel about them, I don’t want to lose them. I hate the idea of holding them back, and I don’t want us to lose our friendship if the relationship doesn’t end up working.
They are one of the most important people in my life, and I care about them so much. I’m scared, mostly because I think... I think I’m in love with them, but I’m scared that they don’t feel the same way. Nothing has changed between us since we agreed to get together. And I understand that relationships aren’t all about hugs and kissed and sex, but when they describe me simply as someone they can vent to who will understand, it just makes me wonder if that’s all I am to them.
I trust them with my life, and I doubt they would lie to me, but I don’t doubt that they wouldn’t tell me the whole truth to prevent my feelings from being hurt. They know I can be sensitive about this kind of thing, and they’ve accidentally hurt me like this before. I’m scared that they just said they wanted to be with me because they don’t want to hurt my feelings.
I know what you’re probably thinking. “You need to talk about it!” Yes, I know I need to talk with them about it. But it’s so hard with them. They get uncomfortable really easily, and when that happens, they just change the subject. I’ve been trying so hard to talk to them about it, but they always end up changing the subject to avoid a possibly uncomfortable conversation. I never made a huge deal about our anniversaries, but even when I just mentioned it, they would just ignore it. I’m just worried.
I value how they feel. I don’t want to hold them back. I don’t want them to feel like they have to be in a relationship with me so that I don’t get hurt. But I don’t know how to tell them that because they avoid conversation about it. All I want is for them to be happy. At this point, I don’t even care if they do feel the same way I do, I just want them to be honest with me. If they don’t return the feelings, I understand that I can’t do anything to change that. But I don’t want them to feel like they’re trapped in an unwanted relationship with me.
I’m a mess. I think about this a lot, but since none of my family knows about the relationship, and none of my friends would really be able to relate, I haven’t been able to talk about it. I don’t know what to do. Please, if you havre any advice that could help, share. I’m kind of desperate.
If this person changes the subject every time you bring up the possibility of becoming “more” than childhood friends, then you must accept that they do not or can not offer anything more.
You have invested a lot of time and energy in this person. While it’s nice to have a confidant, it seems that’s as far as they can go.
Treasure your friendship, but if it’s romance you are looking for, seek it else where, with someone in your own community.