I wish I was a boy, but I don't think that I'm trans
I’ve never felt comfortable in my body. It’s not that I think I’m ugly (although I’m not attractive either), It’s just that I never feel like I’m looking at me. I especially hate my chest, along with the other curves of my body. No matter how much weight I lose, they’re still there. I’m not overweight, and I don’t feel the need to lose weight, I just don’t want curves. I got so desperate at one point, that I just stopped eating all together. My mom caught on though, and made me eat. Baggy clothes help cover me, but my chest still can be seen through it. I hate it. I can’t use tight bras, because my mom won’t buy clothes that don’t fit. I’ve tried bandages, but the only ones we have aren’t enough to fit around my chest. I don’t want to ask my mom to buy more because she would ask too many questions that I don’t want to answer. I’ve thought about a binder, but those are meant for trans people, and I don’t want to offend anyone by using it.
I also hate my hair. I really want to cut it, but short hair doesn’t look good on me. My face is too round for that short of hair, and I don't want to do something that I would regret.
(The part below this sentence is the main part. Everything else is just details)
I just want to be male to be honest. I don't think that I'm trans, but I wish I was a boy. Whenever I imagine my future, I’m a boy. Whenever I look in the mirror, I expect to see a boy, but instead there is me.
I hate my name. I don’t associate it with me. I actually love the name, just not for me. Whenever I hear it, it takes me a second to realize that it’s my name. I’ve always wanted a name like: Sal, or Max, or even Lee or Poindexter after my dad.
I still like feminine clothes, and I act relatively feminine, but I wish I was a boy. My favorite colour is pink, but I still feel like I’m a boy. The way I feel about my voice is the same way I feel about my name. I don’t hate it, I just hate it on me. I want a deeper voice. I want a male voice. I don’t believe that I am trans, but I really don’t know much about this stuff. All I know is that I wish I was a boy. I want to tell my friends about this, but I don’t want to offend them, or have them hate me, since some of them are trans males.
Someone please tell me what I can do to make myself feel more comfortable. I'm sorry if this was hard to understand or badly worded. I'm really bad with words.
What is it about being male that attracts you?
So far , all I read is how you dislike, no really hate, your female attributes.
im not sure... its just how i see myself...
Maybe you are just going through puberty and those are some trying and confusing times for sure? How about riding it out and see how you feel in a couple of years? I'm not trying to make light of the situation, just offering a different perspective.
Do you think the male has all the power? Like control, freedom, strength, dominance, less pressure, adoration?
And the female has all the pressure and competition to face?
Please seek counseling and explore why you have distain for your own body.