I wish I was a boy, but I don't think that I'm trans
I’ve never felt comfortable in my body. It’s not that I think I’m ugly (although I’m not attractive either), It’s just that I never feel like I’m looking at me. I especially hate my chest, along with the other curves of my body. No matter how much weight I lose, they’re still there. I’m not overweight, and I don’t feel the need to lose weight, I just don’t want curves. I got so desperate at one point, that I just stopped eating all together. My mom caught on though, and made me eat. Baggy clothes help cover me, but my chest still can be seen through it. I hate it. I can’t use tight bras, because my mom won’t buy clothes that don’t fit. I’ve tried bandages, but the only ones we have aren’t enough to fit around my chest. I don’t want to ask my mom to buy more because she would ask too many questions that I don’t want to answer. I’ve thought about a binder, but those are meant for trans people, and I don’t want to offend anyone by using it.
I also hate my hair. I really want to cut it, but short hair doesn’t look good on me. My face is too round for that short of hair, and I don't want to do something that I would regret.
(The part below this sentence is the main part. Everything else is just details)
I just want to be male to be honest. I don't think that I'm trans, but I wish I was a boy. Whenever I imagine my future, I’m a boy. Whenever I look in the mirror, I expect to see a boy, but instead there is me.
I hate my name. I don’t associate it with me. I actually love the name, just not for me. Whenever I hear it, it takes me a second to realize that it’s my name. I’ve always wanted a name like: Sal, or Max, or even Lee or Poindexter after my dad.
I still like feminine clothes, and I act relatively feminine, but I wish I was a boy. My favorite colour is pink, but I still feel like I’m a boy. The way I feel about my voice is the same way I feel about my name. I don’t hate it, I just hate it on me. I want a deeper voice. I want a male voice. I don’t believe that I am trans, but I really don’t know much about this stuff. All I know is that I wish I was a boy. I want to tell my friends about this, but I don’t want to offend them, or have them hate me, since some of them are trans males.
Someone please tell me what I can do to make myself feel more comfortable. I'm sorry if this was hard to understand or badly worded. I'm really bad with words.
im not sure... its just how i see myself...
Maybe you are just going through puberty and those are some trying and confusing times for sure? How about riding it out and see how you feel in a couple of years? I'm not trying to make light of the situation, just offering a different perspective.