My boyfriend gets angry quite easily and can say horrible things
Backstory: I'm 15, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 7 months now. he struggles badly with depression and tends to get angry easily, and sometimes take it out on me, not physically but he will get moody and not want to speak . I understand this and have learnt that if he is in a bad mood i'll leave him alone and he can talk to me once he has calmed down.
we never used to argue but the past month or so they have become more frequent, however arguing I feel is sometimes healthy as it helps to see one another's differences. Recently i've been struggling as I have acne and it's affecting my self esteem, he knows this but yesterday when he got angry at me, he said "at least I don't cry over my insecurities" this really upset me and although he apologised and we moved on from it, it's still really bothering me.
a couple of times we've been near to breaking up however i couldn't bring myself to do it because of just one silly argument, when 99% were happy together, and also because i want to support him and help him get better mentally
any advice on what to do would be greatly appreciated xxx
None of us can take back words spoken in anger, which is why your BF apologised because he knew he did/said the wrong thing..but he still disrespected you. Regardless of his depression and his personality, it's your choice to be with him and support him. You need to ensure that this support is returned you and it'll be your BF's actions that will show you his support that your relationship needs to survive.
If he becomes demanding and moody, then he's not really supporting you, (it's emotional abuse, possibly without him even realising it at times) and you're going to need to become a very mature 15 year old to weather it. Sure, 'arguments', as you call them, can be healthy but there's other ways of expressing your opinion without it turning into a conflict. If it's frequent conflict, without resolving anything, then the relationship isn't worth the effort.
Respectfully, your BF needs professional counselling for his depression and anger, otherwise it won't matter what sort of support you give him, and for how long, he'll never get on top of it.
Oh my dear - let me sit you down and give some grandma advice:
This fella has real problems and unless he gets professional help, you need to know -
1. His behavior will escalate over time and YOU wiil be the one who becomes the victim of his outbursts. He doesn’t know where to put his anxiety so he lashes out to the one nearest. He has all the behaviors of an abuser.
2. You must not accept this role. You are not a therapist , doctor, parent, fixer or doormat. And love is not enough to bring about the changes he needs to do or to make him feel better. In fact, he may resent you for even trying to make him feel better.
3. You must decide if you have the energy or time to give to this issue. Its causing you much heartache and it must be like walking on eggshells being around him.
4. Distract yourself from him. Get a kitten. Take up a craft or hobby. Take care of yourself!
Good luck and keep in touch.
thank you so much for your help!! his got counselling but obviously with the coronavirus going on he can't visit him, which is most likely why he's got worse the last few weeks. his nan is a counsellor and as he doesn't get on with his mum very well, hes now self isolating with his nan and grandad so fingers crossed he'll be a lot better now he is in the company of a professional who can help him when he's down, instead of him taking it out on me.
another thing that i forgot to mention in the last message was that one of the reasons why i don't want to break up with him is because i'm scared of the pain.. ive felt what its like to break up with someone before and i'm scared to feel that empty and depressed again, any advice on how to deal with this xxx