Hi, I'm 23 years old and I have a loving and supportive mother, father and godmother. I am a Christian and I grew up in the church. I am a very happy person and I am happy with who I am although I've had my share of big mistakes. I have a loving boyfriend whom I have been with for nearly 2 years. We are virtually the age. One of our biggest differences is the fact that he comes from a family that's severely unstable and its always just been my mom and I so I've had a very stable life since I can remember. I was always taught that you shouldn't live with someone out of wedlock because it 'makes a mockery of marriage', which as a Christian, I understand and agree. But lately I've had mixed thoughts about it. My boyfriend has brought it up several times about him and I getting an apartment together and then getting married shortly afterwards. I must admit that it is tempting, but I feel like I would be doing something wrong and I know for a fact that my mom would not be happy with such a decision. She wouldn't hate me or stop talking to me, but I can't stand the thought of disappointing my parents. I shutter at the thought. My boyfriend brings it up, but he doesn't really force it on me. Sometimes if he is angry at his family, he will push but its only because he wants to be away from them (and I don't blame him). He says I'm the only person he can get along with for a long period of time. He gets along with his sisters but he tends to disagree with his mom about certain things and he has a bit of a temper (such as cursing etc). I love him so much and I want us to live together one day, but I would feel more complete if we were married before. But I also feel guilty because me and him getting an apartment is all it would take for him to be able to experience stability. I have been stuck in the middle. I wanna be married, but I want us to be happy, which means he needs to be happy with himself. I need input really badly please. Any serious advice would be greatly appreciated.
Okay, i think you and your boyfriend should sit down and talk to your mom about this. Explain to her that you understand where she is coming from, but it's your relationship, therefore, you have to take control of your own life and make your own desicion. Tell her, that you think you and your boyfriend have to do what you think is best for your relationship. If you think that you need to move in together before marriage, then it's up to you. Let her know that you dont want to hurt her feelings or go against beliefs, but sometimes rules have to be broken in order to be happy. I understand where you are coming from, i'm a christian myself. Personally, i think moving in before marriage is better because you get to know your boyfriend better. When you live with someone, you get to see if you can handle being with them 24/7. If you are going to be married with this man, you need to know if you both are able to live in the same house and put up with each other .
I see what you are saying, Megan. I have just always found things like this hard to talk about with my parents because I don't want them to think I'm bad or that I'm going to screw up my life because I don't intend to. Another thing is that I've done research of living together before marriage and a lot of sources say that its good to get to know your spouse before marriage, but just as many say that the divorce rate is higher among people who cohabitated before they got married, which scares me. Another thing that scares me is taking all the excitement out of new things. I feel like if I live with him before marriage, then when we do get married, its not going to be a new and exciting journey to move in together, pick out furniture and appliances, and just feel that excitement to be living in a new way. Its always been my dream to feel the excitement of coming home to mine and my husband's own place together shortly after being wed and just experiencing that together because neither one of us have ever cohabitated with a spouse in previous relationships so it would be something we'd being going into together. I just don't wanna create regrets that could have easily been avoided. I am 100% confident that my boyfriend loves me and he would never leave me because I don't wanna move in with him before marriage. He is very understanding of how I feel about that, especially since he too is a christian.