My in laws will only refer to my husband and I’s house, to their “sons” house only. Even when they talk to me. They include both their daughter’s and boyfriend’s name, when they are referring to “their” house. We are married. Why is it only “his” house. It hurts my feelings and makes me feel inadequate. Why don’t I deserve to be included? I don’t refer to his in laws house as, her husbands house only. I treat others how I want to be treated and I have regards for others feelings. Why do people enjoy singling others out?
How unpleasant your in laws are behaving. Does your husband support you? Have a talk about how you feel to him and ask for his help.
Start by having him correct his parents when they belittle you. If that doesn't work try calmly and simply explaining to them how much they are upsetting you. They might not realise.
If nothing changes ignore them when they make those comments.
All that matters is that you and your husband are happily married. The marriage itself means you own half of everything so be confident in that knowledge and forget their childish insulting behaviour. You are better than that. 🙂
Did he own the house before the marriage? If so, maybe its just out of habit.
If not, they are either ignorant or unknowing. You can decide.
(Do they label your cars and pets like that too?)
It wasn’t this bad before we got married. My Husband is too scared to stand up to his parents, because they are so manipulative and don’t respect him either. They show up whenever they feel like it and have no boundaries. We can’t have family gatherings because it’s too embarrassing. They try to control everything. We eloped because of this issue. His sister moved as far as she could away to the coast to get away. They make horrible decisions and criticize our decision making abilities. They use to travel before the Covid-19 outbreak, and now they are around 24/7. My sister in law had to make her wedding a surprise for her parents and pretend it was a surprise birthday party for her fiancé. My husband is always having to apologize on their behalf. My parents are extremely uncomfortable around them also. They are ruining our relationships with everyone. They don’t label our pets with, his or ours. They just use the pets name, and we bought the house 3 years after we were together. They make everything pretty much sound like theirs. Even though it’s not. My husband is almost 40, and they act like we’re completely helpless when in fact we are very independent.
I'm sorry they are treating you this way, and that they call it his house and not "your" house (as in the two of you). I can see why that would hurt.
I think perhaps I might have some insight though, because i am guilty of the same thing, but with my parents. I have always called my childhood home and the place they live now as "my mom's place". When I was young, it never occurred to me that this could be hurtful to my dad, but when I got older I realized that it might hurt him without any prompting from anyone. It was my father who made the downpayment and worked his butt off to pay the mortgage, and so that my mother could be a stay at home mom to me and my siblings. So I have been mindful of my dad's feelings and I try to remember to say "my parent's place" when my dad is around.
Still, in my head and when I'm talking to my friends and he's not around, it's still "mom's house" to me. I think the reason is because my father worked outside the home and he was away on business alot, sometimes for a week at a time, sometimes even for a month at a time. He also took on a major volunteer job that took his time from us on weekends. He was never around! And when he was around, quite understandably, he needed to relax and unwind, so he'd be doing introverted stuff, like reading the newspaper or watching TV. He did outside work like mowing the lawn and landscaping. Meanwhile, my mother did all the inside housework,decorating and cooking. No wonder it feels like "mom's" house!
Hopefully your inlaws are saying it's "his" house without any malicious intent. Maybe they're just not as socially aware as I grew to be.
I do the inside and outside work. I service the lawn mowers, landscape, get the cars serviced, weed eat, and mow. It feels really shitty that someone is always stopping in and offering their opinion every 5 min. So for someone to not include me and not make me feel like I have a place to call home, is down right disrespectful. One time my mom offered to come over and help me paint one day, my mother-in-law came over and took the brush out of my Mother’s and and told her it was “her” job.
Well, it seems you have a perspective on this with your in-laws, so what does your husband think? Is he being suffocated, too?
Perhaps your real issue is that your husband is not protecting your marriage. He seems very passive.
But remember- he was raised by these people. ( Is it both parents, or just the mother?)
If he doesn’t think this is a real big problem, then nothing will be done about it.