Hello, I’ve been married for five months now and have known my husband for two years. He’s a great person but I’m beginning to have doubts and I can’t share this with anyone around as there’ll only be judging. So I need your help in order to rationalize things. I’m from Nigeria and my husband is French. We started trying for a baby last year but haven’t yet succeeded. Tests showed that we were both ok. I started taking some meds my doctor prescribed. These were to stimulate my body and although I’m not a medicine person, I took these drugs. But on several occasion during my ovulation period my husband becomes depressed about his job and although the doctor says it’s the best time to have sex, we end up doing nothing. Even when I try to make the moves because I really want a child and as a woman I know I have these windows every month and he knows that too, but he refuses because he’s not in the mood. It’s upsetting to take this body altering drugs and have him decide out of the blue that he’s too sad about his job to have sex. I told him I wasn’t happy about this, if I take this drugs and nothing happen, it’s sad enough and him not doing the needful by putting aside his work problem for this plan we have to build a family is not very encouraging. He says he can’t help how he feels. I have asked him to see a psychologist but he says he only wants to be transferred from his work and that’s the only solution. Then he insists I take an appointment with the doctor for artificial insemination. We were to do this in April, but due to the ongoing crisis, this was postponed. And been locked up isn’t changing the issues, I see people post about how their husbands and boyfriends are too demanding on sex and I begin to wonder if my marriage is normal. We’re supposed to be trying for a baby but only have sex once in six weeks. Can anyone please help me understand if this is normal? What should I do? I am 35yrs old and don’t really have all the time in the world, but ai can’t point this out to my husband as he isn’t responsible for me getting married late. Kindly advise please.
I hope I can help a little bit.
Ok so first, if you are trying for a baby I think that maybe getting your husband happy is the first thing to do. For both of you.
Being depressed and getting anxious about work and life is no joke, and if it influences his libido oh boy...
It doesn't mean that he should see a doctor unless he feels like it.
You and your hubby will have to handle a great deal of stress when this child is born, so him being sad isn't great and can't turn worse.
Try not to pressure him to make a baby. Do things for him that make him happy.
Trying a baby for a year and not getting pregnant, even with everything ok is actually very common. My co worker took two years for getting pregnant with her second child.
See if it's really necessary to take those drugs. Usually it's not and they alter your mood in a bad way.
Not everyone is the same, but that depression may be affecting is libido. So the solution to your problem is really about creating you and your hubby moments where he can feel safe. Try to compensate when he is at home with lots of care to make him feel better.
I know you guys don't have much time but sex is about loving each other and feel good. And sometimes making a baby takes time even doing it on the window time.
There are problems in the marriage. Dont bring a child into the picture if you two are not a healthy couple.
Seek marriage counseling asap.