Should I get married?
Hi. I'm a 28yr old Indian woman. My marriage has been fixed. Been 8 months now. But I'm still not used to the idea of getting hitched. My interest in my husband-to-be is negligible, and in my life after marriage, almost non existent. It won't be too much of an overstatement to say that I still pray for this match to break off or for my fiance to find true love.
I don't know if it's because I've never dated before or because I'm just not into my fiance or maybe I'm not interested in getting married in general. My parents, like every other Indian parents, want to see me hitched and the fact that I'm turning 29 soon doesn't seem to help matters. Corona lockdown has pushed the marriage dates forward and has given me a respite, though brief. Is this simply pre-wedding jitters or am I making the biggest mistake of my life?
My fiance seems to be interested in me and professes to be in love with me but I... Also, it doesn't help at all that we have nothing in common. I'm a literature kid, easily seduced by language and laughter. He lacks on both these fronts. Our interests don't match. I am more of a loner, an introvert, wanting to be left alone most of the time. I kind of feel bad for my fiance that he is stuck with me but I don't know what else to do. Everytime I think from his perspective, that this is difficult for him too, I try to be good and interested in him but frankly he really isn't interesting. Our intellectual levels are too diverse. I'm not saying he's dumb but it really isn't fun to talk to him because half the time he doesn't know what I'm talking about and needs Google. I feel as if I am looking down on him sometimes. It's difficult, to say the least, and this wedding WILL take place as it's been on for a long time now. But I'm really scared about my future.
I've never been in love or dated so I'm sure I'll learn to adjust with him like every other Indian bride out there in an arranged marriage. But I don't know what I'm getting in return. I work for the government and earn twice as much as him- I'm as stable economically as can be. I'm independent and been living on my own for a while. The fact that I never have had a relationship in the last 28 years of my life proves again how unsocial and unbothered I am about this whole courtship thing. I don't think I'm asexual. Neither a lesbian. I'm very much straight. This is so very difficult. Any help would be appreciated. Should I get hitched? What am I feeling?
I kinda had an anxiety build when I was reading your post. I'm not sure if I can help, because your reality is very different than mine.
I don't know how you do an arranged marriage, and how you learn to love someone that just doesn't click right away.
It's difficult to explain since you never fall in love.
I think that, what you are experiencing is anxiety, and what you said are the reasons for you to feel like that:
.we have nothing in common;
.Our interests don't match;
.Our intellectual levels are too diverse;
It's not unusual for us to seeks these things in our partners, and the saying that opposites attract are lies.
When you love someone that person is more/less on the same degree that you are. That's why couples love to do things together, matches and matches.
I can't say you won't someday love the person, but will you?
I can't really tell you what decision to make, but there are things that can answer that.
See if you really like the guy. Like friend and things. If you can't even see him as a friend, I'm not sure that this will go well for you.
I don’t understand fixed marriages in this time and age, but you are much too mature and worldly to be forced into a loveless, disconnected marriage. You seem to know yourself quite well. You are no kid.
Sit down with your parents and tell them how you feel. Be prepared to stand up for yourself. This may include moving away.
You can’t live the rest of your life trapped in a cage!!