Trust has been broken
I would really appreciate some advice please !
Been with my husband for 19years love adored him never been unfaithful married for 7 years 2 children a dog mortgage etc.
We always spoke about affairs & how bad we thought it was & that both of us could not forgive the other if happened even down to speaking having a friendship without either of us knowing is a no go so I always believed we had the same morals.
3 years ago i found a women’s number on my husbands phone saying Thankyou very much with a smiley face with love heart eyes. I was so sad by this But his excuse was it was about a job on the side that he did ? Actually he said he passed the number to another work pal so why would she send a smiley face with love hearts on ? I told him that if u give your number out again for work you must tell me as I know he would not appreciate a man texting me that he didn’t know about. I didn’t like it but I agreed to give him the benefit of the doubt he promised me that he would always tell me if he had to give his number out for work & said after the grief I got seriously I won’t do it again & swore on the kids lives !!!!!!!! a month after he was sentenced to prison for 3 years in prison for a fight .
I constantly put all my effort & time in the kids & house & longed for the day daddy was coming home.
Since he came out he constantly accusing me even down to when one of his school friends text me being kind I answered but I put 4 kisses on that in which made lots of arguments accusations allways against me which we completely untrue.
I decided to go threw his phone one night & found a voice messege telling him her where about a & sending love hearts also he had her under a mans name. We I confronted him we had a massive row he left he came back to see kids & his excuse in a nut shell was it was for financial gain ! I forgave him kinda been making things work but the other night we had a drink & the thoughts came back why would you risk putting yourself in that situation again to make me feel like this why swear on your kids lives why put her in a mans name why when you said you would not do it again but you have it’s making me question everything am I being that stupid in believing it was for finiancial gain but really it was a friendship or affair we ain’t loaded but we have a good life both work , so why would you do it To gain 60 quid financial gain & now I feel our trust as gone over a poxy 60 why would he risk us for that ? And he did not let me call her on thinking I would go mad at her ? Any answers would be appreciated
The trust and communication of your relationship has been gone for a while and you guys need to get professional counselling together to try and work it out. His time away hasn't helped either and the transition to normal life for him (and the family) wouldn't have been easy, regardless of your efforts. You need to follow your instinct because, at the end of the day, if you were sure that you guys shared the same values, then you shouldn't have needed to go through his phone at anytime during your 19 years together.
I know not sure it’s worth even fighting for anymore there s Patterson u see he accuses me as allways finding faults in my messesge from friends reading into things that ain’t ther & SO when j go threw his I find other women I never had to lie or keep secrets he clearly does It’s a unhealthy marriage now I believe he should have be trying harder with me yet I’m allways at fault
I think an open relationship is the best option. That way both can meet up with other people and enjoy a better sex life. Maybe watch each other, like cuckold to spice it up even more...