Am I being irrational? Please help!
Am I being irrational?
I have a twin sister. We are best friends however she never really supports me when I am going through things. It's like, if I'm going right, she chooses to go left every time. Am I being unreasonable and just putting my frustration on her because I am in denial?
Years ago, I was going through some issues with my then boyfriend. I'd go to her to rant because she is my sister and best friend. However, the conversation always ends up with us arguing. Not because I said something wrong, but because she has a desire of being right and making me feel like I am wrong. The conversations are Never about her. But about what I am going through.
I'd tell her how financially unstable my ex was. She would end up turning the story around to where she is against me. Saying things like how her boyfriend would call me desperate for putting up with him or how she sees things more clearly because she is always quick to break up with someone if they aren't what she wants. She compares everything I go through with something or someone else.
Another situation I had was with a friend of Mines whom I known for 10 years. I started to suspect that he had narcissist ways and how he would often leave me hurt, feeling guilty and confused. I'd tell her. She would take his zodiac sign and tell me that I am wrong about him. Telling me that all people of that zodiac acts like that and I am wrong. She would Google many articles supporting her theory.
Another situation, I had a project that was due. I stressed myself out trying to get the project perfect. I finally got it to where I was somewhat content. However, my project was rejected because the lighting misrepresented the actual product. I came to her. I never denied being wrong about why it was rejected. But how I worked so hard and how frustrated I was. She went to tell me how there are these twins. One of the twins is super talented and her sister would cry because of how talented she was. Then my sister would go about how we are nothing like them. In other words, subconsciously telling me that I suck. At least that how I took it. I asked her what is her point? Why is she telling me this for? She never answered, she just told me how my brain takes everything that she says and makes it negative. I was so confused. She always leaves me confused. I can't think of a time where she has showed genuine support. Or even just listen. If she does listen, it's more of a passive energy where she doesn't say a word, she's just scrolls on her phone while I am talking to her which leads to this awkward silence once I am done. After the silence she would say, "sorry, I just know I can't say anything to you, so I won't say anything at all". That's her definition of "listening". I'd go to my room and cry. Or sometimes I would say mean things to her because she doesn't realize how much she is hurting me. I'd tell her that, however she would reply with, "you don't see yourself. I can't say anything without you taking it the wrong way". She tells me that there is a reason why I am going through what I am going through, because I don't listen to her advice and that I will be apologizing to her later once I realize it. However her advice seems far from helpful. Seems more like a passionate opinion.
Am I being irrational? Does she mean well? If so, why do I feel so angry? Please help!!
Your sister is not a therapist. She only knows what has worked for herself. So no wonder she gets irritated when “ counseling” you.
Find a counselor or older relative you trust who is a good listener and will help you discover your own way of dealing with issues.
Then just be a fun sister to her!