Do I respond?
My friendship of 20 years has always been toxic. We essentially grew up together, and therefore, know each other very well, like sisters. However, as I've gotten older, I've tried to break off this toxic relationship and I believe so has she. Though I dont care to get into why its toxic, I will say I find it difficult in times like these as she has just texted telling me her mother is in ICU. Do I respond? Do I, once again, reconnect with her? I feel like this is a bad marriage that wont end. If I sound insensitive, trust me I'm not. I just cant seem to find the right answer about this friendship.
Nope, you don’t sound insensitive and you don’t need to respond to her. It sound like you do know what to do about this friendship, you’re just questioning your self and that’s normal (ok) to wobble from time to time. It’s alway good to read up/google on toxic people (if you haven’t already) and get an understanding of their personalities. It confirms everything.
Don’t dwell on it too much but just remind your self why you’re not friends with her anymore. If she made you feel that bad why would you want to start up a friendship again only to potentially feel those feelings again?
Toxic people don’t usually change and they are very good at manipulating. whilst it’s sad her mum is in ICU (and you can feel bad for her mum if you knew her personally) your ex friend is likely to be using this to get your attention.
It will be hard but keep the ties cut and continue move on
I'm sorry that you're having this struggle, as toxic relationships are hard and stressful. The good thing is that you've realized that it is toxic, and are dealing with it. Unfortunately these types of relationships just keep cycling over and over again, no matter how much you put into the relationship, no matter how much you change yourself to make it better, and no matter how many times you've told the other person how you feel. I encourage you to keep the ties cut. If you feel like you want to at least text saying that you hope for the best for their mom, thats fine, but don't answer any other ones. The best way to keep your sanity is to block the person altogether, and just go on with your life. I find that prayer works for me as well, it not only gets things out of me and onto the Lord, but He helps to guide me on my paths. Toxicity is never good.
She’s dangling a real crisis in front of you, isn’t she? ( very ill mother) All in hopes you will respond.
So you can respond by saying:
“I’ll keep her in my prayers”
Don’t let her suck you back in to what makes you actually sick.