Need some help really. I am married with children, but am not happy. I met someone online last year and forged a relationship. She offered to leave her husband for me, but I said no as I didn’t want to destroy my family. However, we still talked to each other every day. I became a real source of help for her through her depression and in her life. At first we talked still very romantically, we had already said I love you and had sexual online encounters, though we have only met twice and have not slept with each other, but that’s more because she lives so far away. However I could see that she was holding back on her own life because of me, so I pulled this back and we became more platonic.
In the last month she has split with her husband. This was fine and I helped her through it, i was looking forward to her being out of the toxic relationship she was in and move on......the problem is she is starting to. There is a guy she’s starting a new online relationship with, she talked about it to me as I’m her best friend and it hurt. Physically hurt, made me shake with pain. So much so after a week I had to tell her!
I don’t want to hurt anyone in my family, but that is the only reason I can think not to go to her!! I’m not sure she wants me anymore anyway!!
What do I do?
This may not be what you want to hear, but I'd leave her alone. She's already talking to some other guy online, plus the fact that you say she lives far away and talks to you like you're a friend, means this isn't likely to go anywhere.
It's always easier to give advice, especially when asked, then taking advice. We are also emotionally detached from the issue and that allows us to be objective (a quality I believe you want from us). So, you know where I'm going with this, don't you.
You never mentioned why you are unhappy in your marriage. Marriage is a commitment and a promise and takes almost all our energy to make it successful. Is it possible your energy, that should have been put into your marriage, was spent in your excitement of exploring someone new and mysterious? That is a temptation that many of us fall into. You know, "The grass is always greener.........". or in this case, "The sex is new and exciting, and my wife is _________ " (fill in the blank).
But let's talk about what you have done right. Your marriage may be boring (or worse) right now, but you recognize the importance of the family and the children's need for both parents being at home. That is noble and good. You are also willing to "help" someone that was depressed and having her own family issues. That is noble and good, also. However, that selflessness may have become selfish.
So let's summarize. You became distracted in your marriage and that allowed you to lose sight of your promise you made to your wife, family, and God. However, and interestingly, this distraction (on line relationship) and threat to your family, seemed to self correct when your friend left her abusive relationship and found someone new other then you. So when you see things in that light, what do you think you should do?
Let us know what you decide.