I've fallen for a girl who already has a boyfriend
Ive (20M) known this girl (19F) for a few years now but i had never really gotten the opportunity to get to know her better. Well that all changed about 10 weeks ago and my life has been flipped upside down. We get on so well together, i have such a connection to her its unreal. She is unbelievably beautiful and down to earth. She has absolutely blown me away.
ive been visualizing us being together every single day, i cant stop thinking about her. Obviously there is a massive obstacle in the way, the fact that she has a boyfriend. The reason im not running away from this situation is because i know how badly this guy treats her. He hopefully is going to be moving overseas in the next couple of months so she will be alone. I've never wanted someone so badly before. And ive been stressing so much about when im going to get to see her again and when is she going to reply to messages etc. You know how the brain works, tons of overthinking about even the smallest of incidents. Its funny how you can live for 20 years without this person then all of a sudden you cant imagine life without them.
I would wait and keep her as a friend for now and don’t move too quickly. It’s never a good idea for anyone to go straight into a new relationship straight after breaking up with someone, especially if this bf isn’t treating her well. She will need to see that for herself (If she’ hasn’t started to already) and break up with him when she’s ready to and that maybe when he goes away in the next few months or in the next yr. she will also need some time getting over him. My advice is if and when she does take it slow.
Thank you lily for the reply. I understand completely what you mean. I'm just finding it so difficult to get my head around the situation. When I say she is absolutely incredible, I absolutely mean it. I want to go slow and get to know her better. That's literally all I want. Just to get to know her more and create that connection. And obviously it's difficult to do that when she is in a relationship.
Isn't love great? But it can blind us to common sense and selflessness if we are too emotional about the relationship. Going slowly, as Lily31 suggests, is good advice in any relationship. There is no established courting time to guarantee a successful relationship or marriage, but I think the more time we give to nurture a love interest, the better chance for that love interest to grow. That is the common sense I was referring to.
So let me ask you, Bond123. Do you think you have a better chance for a long term relationship with your girl friend if you were to take the time to better understand her values, character, likes, dislikes, loyalties, spiritual convictions, etc?
With all that being said, you may also have the responsibility to immediately mitigate any abuse that may be occurring in this girl's life. If you want to stay in this girl's life, this is the area that needs to be observed and monitored. And that is the selflessness I was referring to.
Let us know how this relationship grows.