Dad trying to reunite with ex and children. She’s pushing me away
I am doing well with my outpatient drug treatment. The mother of my children first said that our ultimate goal is to reunite our family if I succeed with my treatment. I have been spending lots of quality time with our kids and her. I am very motivated to stay sober and do everything right. I love her and the kids so much. Sobriety has enabled me to be the father that my kids deserve.
The other day she told me out of nowhere that she doesn’t want me calling her babe or honey anymore, doesn’t want me to touch her or even give her a hug or kiss goodnight. She said she doesn’t want the kids thinking we are getting back together. (???) I didn’t do anything that I know of to cause this. I am willing to do all the hard work necessary to stay sober and prove myself. I just want a chance to regain her trust and get back to her and the kids but it seems she is changing her mind now. The past few days she seems to be implying that reuniting is not going to happen. I don’t know what to do.
She has anxiety issues and anger issues and is herself in recovery. When she is angry I always stay calm and try to be helpful and understanding. I don’t want to loose her or the kids. Someone please help me.
First of all, I want to say that I am very proud of you! Congratulations on your treatment! I'm so happy for you. Please don't ever give up on staying sober.
You know... This may be a very complicated situation for your family. The reality of things is that something happened in your life, and your wife and kids had to do things alone without you in their life.
It was probably very stressful for them. I can't even imagine. A life with kids can go from 100 to 0 pretty quick.
The thing is... You can't expect that after that you can just go back into the person's life and everything will be ok. Unfortunately... That's not what happens... And it's her decision. If she doesn't want to stay with you, even if it hurts, you will have to respect that.
Sometimes things in life just change our perspectives and we have to adapt to each situation.
To be truthful the best thing you can do in this very moment is enjoy your life and your kids. They grow up so fast! Try to be a better version of yourself and try your best to stay with them. Create good memories.
Maybe she will appreciate your effort and try to reconnect with you. But if she doesn't you will have to let her go. When we love someone, we want that person to be happy, even if it hurts us.