Wife left, yet says she still loves me
My wife of has recently left me after a two year on and off again affair with a woman. I have always known she is bisexual, and in 30 years it has never been a problem and she has never cheated until now. When she left, when she got to the woman's house, she rang me in tears, saying she thought she had done the wrong thing, still loved me. She did the same for the next two days, then today nothing, no call.
I'm trying to not call her, don't want to come across as needy or desperate, I have told her I love her, and the door is open. Our relationship has always been very good, to the extent that friends always said we had something special and very rare. We have never had sexual problems, again until recently, and that is mainly due to the fact she is going through the menopause.
I'm very confused we have been making plans for our future and recently bought a house abroad to move to this year, all while the affair was going on. I can't believe she spent that kind of money to cover her tracks. She has hinted the solution is for me to allow her to continue to see this woman, and then we could stay together. Maybe, just maybe, if it was just sex I could live with that, but the emotional side of things really gets to me and has affected our previously unshakable closeness.
She has been through a whole series of difficulties in the last two to three years and had a very difficult childhood, which has been on her mind lately. She also had a history of self harm when younger, due to her childhood. We are on the verge of achieving everything we ever wanted having aways said we would live abroad one day, and she seems to be tearing it all apart.
I'm very hurt and can't understand why she is doing this when she says she still loves me, which I do believe. I have spoken to a friend, whose life path is similar to hers (bisexual, married a man) and she says her sexuality has nothing to do with it, cheating is cheating, which I tend to agree with. I want her back, but don't know if that's possible. would like to know what people think and what I should do. This is tearing me up.
There are many issues going on here.
Insist on couples counseling.
All this is unfair to you.
PS Why would her menopause be responsible for not having sex with you? She is having sex with her female partner, isn’t she?
She was having sex with me before she left, just meant it has not been so satisfying as she is experiencing pain. Counseling is a good idea, but she is resistent, because she was sexually abused in childhood, and all counsellers want to delve into that, obviously, but she has spent her life pushing it away, and coping by putting it in a box and not thinking about it.
Then I encourage you to find a counselor and go by yourself.
You are going to need all the support you can find when dealing with her so you don’t become sick and depressed yourself.
That is true, I think she may be ready to leave me and feel completely bereft. I feel we have our best times ahead of us, if we can work through this, but fear she is going to tear us apart because she is in pain.