Feeling confused and vulnerable
For months now I have had these strong feelings towards my best friend and band mate. For those same months my marriage has really been put to the test. My husband struggles with addiction and mental health issues. It’s the only thing we really ever fight about. Towards the end of May he really hit rock bottom and I almost left him. He is now in rehab working on himself. We talk everyday. He is doing great and really seems to realize for the first time ever what he must do to save his life and family. I love my husband dearly, he is one of my best friends. But I keep finding myself being drawn to my best friend/band mate. For the past few months I keep having these vivid dreams of being romantic with my friend. You can feel this energy between us that seems to be getting stronger while my husband is gone. I’m scared of these feelings. I love them both. I don’t want to lose my husband, but I fee I am being drawn towards my friend, because he is more stable. We also just have so much in common and a strong connection. I would also hate to ruin my friendship. I feel like I am more so feeling these feelings, because of how rocky my life and my marriage have been the past few months. There are so many confusing feelings. Last night my friend and I sat down after a long day of hanging out with friends and family. He said sit down I have something serious to talk to you about. I was caught off guard and he could probably tell. He either was joking or was serious and changed his mind, because he didn’t actually say anything serious, he just made a joke about this thing we had to build that day at work. I can’t tell if I’m reading to into things or if he feels the same things I do. I guess I’m just here to get this off my chest and hear some outside input from people who are not close to my friend, husband and I.
If you love your husband, you owe it to him to see if he can take steps to stop this addiction and begin a recovery program. He must earn your trust back, too. He will not be the same guy after treatment. He has work to do, and you can be a support for his future.
Have you gone to family or spouse sessions and family counseling at the recovery center?
This other guy is a distraction right now. Put the brakes on these times with him. Recognize that you are lonely and have needs that have been neglected for a long time.
Besides, it’s not fair to him to start up something while your husband is working on his problems.
First things first-
Hi DI. I'm always apprehensive to give advice but never afraid and always enthusiastic to explore the options you may have. Let's do that.
Let me ask you some questions. Do you remember your vows of marriage? When you declared these in front of friends, family, and God, did you feel it was more than just ceremonial rhetoric? Do you also recall the excitement, joy, and mystery in the relationship you had with your husband when your were first going together? Does it feel a little like what you have with your band mate now?
I don't doubt the love you have for both individuals, but only one has received your promise of being with him through "better or worse". One of these relationships scare you and one needs you. Which one of the two relationships need you? You decide, and let us know how it goes.