My self and partner have been together 4 and a half years.
I feel I am at a loss.
Every morning without fail, he will masturbate, right next to me in bed. Often waking me up.
I know this does not seem a big deal initially but it is making me miserable, I can't sleep, often I am on the very edge of the bed to avoid being shaken by it, and more recently I've been shutting myself in the bathroom just to get away.
I need sleep, my depression goes through the roof because of this, and makes me feel selfish to bring it up. But I have to.
I tried to compromise this morning and ended up in tears. When asked if we could just have two mornings a week where he could just not, his response was "I'm horny"
When I said look at me I'm in tears, his response was I don't mean to upset you. Which I honestly believe, but then I asked if me being a mess like this in the mornings was not motivation for just two mornings without (not even necessarily two mornings in a row), he basically said it wasnt.
I have nothing left in me. I am tired. I am miserable the vast majority of mornings. I own a business as well as run a bar on the nights and I cannot function like this anymore.
I do not know what I can do. Please help me.
Sounds like he’s detached. Perhaps stressed or he’s not happy about something that’s happening around him.
Keep talking! For some Men...Masturbation usually is a way out of stress, deprivation or just some type of difficulties.
Talk it out !
Hi LILLKITTEN: Thanks for sharing what can be an embarrassing subject. Please allow me to ask a few questions?
How long has this been happening in your relationship? I am assuming after 4 and half years, it hasn't always been this way. Do you have a healthy sex life with him aside from his individual behavior? What is different? What is (or has been) happening in his life that may have changed his behavioral needs? What is or has been happening in your life that may have motivated him going "solo"? It may be good to mention at this point that a man's libido is generally much greater then the female's.
After exploring these questions with him and other questions that will come up, then explore some options. Communication and honesty is usually the best option and you are trying that. Good for you. Perhaps you can continue the conversation with some options for him. He is obviously awake while masturbating and you are not, so perhaps he can move to another site to complete the exercise to show some selflessness. If he remains unwilling and your need to be undisturbed remains critical as you indicate, then perhaps you should be in another bed......or bedroom.
Finally, through honest communication with him, find out what his needs are, and what you can do to help satisfy these needs while maintaining your own. After four and half years together there had to be plenty of give and take from both of you. Without continued selflessness on the part of both of you, the next four and half years will be very difficult if at all.
Please let us know what happens next.